There are so many advantages to meditation. When I first originally thought of this post, I indeed wanted to make it 100 benefits long (think big right!), however, I wasn’t sure I could find more than perhaps 20-25 benefits. Well, I made it happen! Meditation is as powerful as I thought it would be.
Here is the definitive list of benefits that meditation can provide you with:
Physiological benefits:
1- It lowers oxygen consumption.
2- It decreases respiratory rate.
3- It increases blood flow and slows the heart rate.
4- Increases exercise tolerance.
5- Leads to a deeper level of physical relaxation.
6- Good for people with high blood pressure.
7- Reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate.
8- Decreases muscle tension
9- Helps in chronic diseases like allergies, arthritis etc.
10- Reduces Pre-menstrual Syndrome symptoms.
11- Helps in post-operative healing.
12- Enhances the immune system.
13- Reduces activity of viruses and emotional distress
14- Enhances energy, strength and vigour.
15- Helps with weight loss
16- Reduction of free radicals, less tissue damage
17- Higher skin resistance
18- Drop in cholesterol levels, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease.
19- Improved flow of air to the lungs resulting in easier breathing.
20- Decreases the aging process.
21- Higher levels of DHEAS (Dehydroepiandrosterone)
22- prevented, slowed or controlled pain of chronic diseases
23- Makes you sweat less
24- Cure headaches & migraines
25- Greater Orderliness of Brain Functioning
26- Reduced Need for Medical Care
27- Less energy wasted
28- More inclined to sports, activities
29- Significant relief from asthma
30- improved performance in athletic events
31- Normalizes to your ideal weight
32- Harmonizes our endocrine system
33- Relaxes our nervous system
34- Produces lasting beneficial changes in brain electrical activity
35- Cures infertility (the stresses of infertility can interfere with the release of hormones that regulate ovulation).
Psychological benefits:
36- Builds self-confidence.
37- Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behaviour.
38- Resolve phobias & fears
39- Helps control own thoughts
40- Helps with focus & concentration
41- Increase creativity
42- Increased brain wave coherence.
43- Improved learning ability and memory.
44- Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation.
45- Increased emotional stability.
46- improved relationships
47- Mind ages at slower rate
48- Easier to remove bad habits
49- Develops intuition
50- Increased Productivity
51- Improved relations at home & at work
52- Able to see the larger picture in a given situation
53- Helps ignore petty issues
54- Increased ability to solve complex problems
55- Purifies your character
56- Develops will power
57- Greater communication between the two brain hemispheres
58- Reacts more quickly and more effectively to a stressful event.
59- Increases one’s perceptual ability and motor performance
60- Higher intelligence growth rate
61- Increased job satisfaction
62- Increase in the capacity for intimate contact with loved ones
63- Decrease in potential mental illness
64- Better, more sociable behaviour
65- Less aggressiveness
66- Helps in quitting smoking, alcohol addiction
67- Reduces need and dependency on drugs, pills & pharmaceuticals
68- Need less sleep to recover from sleep deprivation
69- Require less time to fall asleep, helps cure insomnia
70- Increases sense of responsibility
71- Reduces road rage
72- Decrease in restless thinking
73- Decreased tendency to worry
74- Increases listening skills and empathy
75- Helps make more accurate judgements
76- Greater tolerance
77- Gives composure to act in considered & constructive ways
78- Grows a stable, more balanced personality
79- Develops emotional maturity
Spiritual benefits:
80- Helps keep things in perspective
81- Provides peace of mind, happiness
82- Helps you discover your purpose
83- Increased self-actualization.
84- Increased compassion
85- Growing wisdom
86- Deeper understanding of yourself and others
87- Brings body, mind, spirit in harmony
88- Deeper Level of spiritual relaxation
89- Increased acceptance of oneself
90- Helps learn forgiveness
91- Changes attitude toward life
92- Creates a deeper relationship with your God
93- Attain enlightenment
94- Greater inner-directedness
95- Helps living in the present moment
96- Creates a widening, deepening capacity for love
97- Discovery of the power and consciousness beyond the ego
98- Experience an inner sense of “Assurance or Knowingness”
99- Experience a sense of “Oneness”
100- Increases the synchronicity in your life
It requires no special equipment, and is not complicated to learn. It can be practiced anywhere, at any given moment, and it is not time consuming (15-20 min. per day is good). Best of all, meditation has NO negative side effects. Bottom line, there is nothing but positive to be gained from it! With such a huge list of benefits, the question you should ask yourself is, “why am I not meditating yet?”
If you need a point to start from, you should try guided meditation courses. They are inexpensive and can provide you with a good foundation from which to begin meditating.
Make sure you meditate, there are quite simply too many positives to just ignore it!
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Read the original post by Fredrik P, here.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
On 7-years-cycles
In searching about Steiner's 7-year-cycles, I stepped into related information which I'd heard before, so I'm adding it all up here in one post.
~ Luciana.
--
Become aware of all your pretensions
The first seven years of life are the most important time. If the person is going to live seventy years then those first seven years are going to be decisive for seventy years, because he will repeat the same pattern on different planes. He will pretend to love his wife, he will pretend to love his children, he will pretend to love his friends. And the pretensions will go deep that he will not even feel that this is a pretension; he will think this is what love is supposed to be. This is love.
That's why everybody in the whole world is loving and the world is turning into a madhouse. People should be blissful-if there is so much love in the world everybody should be flowering. Something very basic is missing.
My effort here is to help you become aware of all your pretensions. Once you are aware they can be dropped. They can be dropped very easily - the whole thing is to become aware of them. They have gone deep, their roots have reached very deep into your bones, into your very marrow. So one has to be very alert, very aware, to find all the roots. Once you have found all the roots of your false pseudo love, you can uproot all the weeds and you will become again a child and you will start afresh from the very beginning of innocence, and then there will be spontaneity, naturalness.
Osho: A Must for Before Sleep p.225
--
Rudolph Steiners description
of the 7-year cycles
WAKING UP 0 - 7 years
The physical organism is build up. The emergence of the remaining teeth is, according to Steiner, a sign that the process is complete.
The child looks around, crawls around and finally walks around.
Simultaneous with the walking comes the "I" and "me". It is so important that the "I" is allowed to gradually expand deep into the . The "children's diseases", with their high fevers is an aid for that, since a high fever is causing an expansion of the consciousness into the etheric and astral.
The child can hardly bear an everyday event, as for example to see a dead bird on the road, but will happily listen to fairytales where witches torture kids and themselves are brutally murdered!
It is important that the child lives in and works out her own fairytales and fairytale-heroes, so that these stories and heroes are not imposed from outside, but growing forth from inside.
This also is the reason why Steiner recommends simple toys, dolls with no face etc, so that the child's imagination put the face on, and not a remote adult or computer. Television and even reading at this young age therefore is seen as potentially damaging.
THE MAGIC AGE 7 - 14 YEARS
We are still in the process of incarnation; the full aura of the child is not yet manifest. In this phase, the feeling-body, (the astral) needs to be build in to the earthly existence.
The adult is in many ways living in an abstract world, dealing with responsibilities, planing, goals etc, that are beyond the interest and capacity of the child. Yet, we often are "proud" of our child if they achieve in this world, are quick to learn to read etc.
Where the child is at, experiences, wonder, magic, is the age- appropriate challenges, not logic.
An important part of this, - other than not just living a routine-life- is fairytales. ian speaking fairytales off course is build around archetypes. And being allowed to assimilate them, meet them, battle with them on her own terms, allows the child to build a depth and confidence in her own .
Here after Johannes Dragsdal: Hvert alderstrin sin opgave
WHO AM I? 14 - 21 years
The "child" is no longer a child, but neither is he an adult -
Sometimes amazingly grown up attitudes is displayed, sometimes the teddy bear needs a cuddle, the "child" can not find his footing - rarely can the parents! -
This time calls for a very delicate balance of authority and respect of the "child's" autonomy.
The puberty ought not just to be the maturing of the sexual being, but also a maturing in the ability to penetrate reality.
The need to separate things or statements, criticise or build "utopias" is obvious, and therefore now, the modern empiric teaching-methods are relevant.
The big mood-swings are important, they create an inner containment, a space big enough to harbour both huge appetite on life and a deep pain in the realisation of the sad state of affairs in real life, the dichotomy between life and death etc.
At the age of 18 years, 7 month and 4 days, the young meets the peculiar phenomena, the Moon-knot. This day, the moon is in exact the same position with sun and earth as it was when we were born. This period therefore is a rebirth, a break in the outer circumstances, a shift of deep consequences.
The moon-knot comes again when we are 37 and 56.
SELF REARING 21 - 28 years
The physical development is complete, and mentally the question -"what can I do on this earth is in focus.
The young has left -or should leave- home. It is time to be responsible, feel consequences when experimenting, playing, being serious or not at all serious, studying or procrastinating, inviting parental advice and acting opposite… Maybe the young most of all needs a wall to play his balls up against.
The intellectual peak is roughly from 21 - 42, so the challenge is to honour that, without letting go of the intuitive, more mystical and creative perception.
LIFE-ACHIEVEMENT 28 -35 years
It is as if the period up to now was a preparation, in many cases something happened that turned out to be the basis for the life's achievement. It is a period coloured by will, so the question is wether the will is in the ego's service, or has the quiet questions from the soul, a quest for the deeper purpose with life been preserved, listened to. This balance is very important for the coming 7-year periods.
Rudolph Steiner says that it is not enough to teach will, willingness to sacrifice is more important. It is the ego that must be sacrificed to reach the higher goals.
THE POWERS IS RECOGNISED 35 - 42 years
Being in the middle of life, the output to life has been established, the feed back is coming. Either does the world accept or reject, it is no longer one self that is rearing; now the world is our teacher.
The second moon-knot is when we are 37 years, 2 month and 8 days.
So again a new rebirth. This second moon knot is in particular a confrontation with the outer. At that age started his "travel into hell", into the depth of his , making him conclude that he no longer lives for himself alone.
POWER TEMPTATIONS 42 - 49 years
At the age of 42 the meeting with the dead stuff in ourselves is beginning to come forth, the calcification in body and .
It is the rigidity, the habits, the avariciousness that have their day.
AGE-PROBLEM 49 - 56 years
Some people around the fifty years age are only interested in job-advancements and themselves, they have gone rigid in the I-disease, is spiritually speaking already dead.
In this age, if we succeed in not becoming trapped in ego and fear, not trapped in "holding on to our youth" we begin to be free from the personal destiny that has been like a insistence over the rest of the life, we begin to collect the deeper insights that life has given us, and begin to be independent enough to express it.
At the age of 56 years, 9 month and 12 days comes the third moon-knot. This is a bit like a judgment - what was learned? Have I anything to live on for?
METAMORPHOSIS 56 - 63 years
In an achievement-based society the elderly is a problem, not an asset. The wisdom inherited in a long life, the more time retirement gives, the independence from duties and expectations, all point to a spiritual peak. If there is not a spiritual openness, the period off course is empty, despair, or at best filled out with social life and entertainment, a waiting period for death.
DAYS OF GRACE 63 - ?
From planing in 10-year periods, the perspective more and more comes towards a gratitude for the day before us There is no longer any ambition, we can wholeheartedly "just be"- if the spiritual values is not there, a disappointment with life, a for death will come forth.
Death is off course coming nearer, and our avoidance of - or of this inevitable polarity to birth is now in focus wether we deny it or ponder it.
If just the fear of death could be eliminated.
Interestingly: For the ancient Greeks, the youthful and very strong god Hermes was the god of death. For us it is the ripper, a skeleton with no nourishment. There is a sad loss of searchlight into the unknown with a symbol for the transition so devout of joy.
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Every Seven Years You Change
Most cells in your body is renewed over a period of time.
Does your personality change, too?
Rudolph Steiner, the great teacher of Anthroposophy said that the seven-year cycles continue throughout life, and are of the utmost importance to doctors, teachers, psychiatrists and the social sciences. Without some smattering of these changes it is difficult for anyone to understand the relationship of any given individual with his or her environment. So I have tried to summarise what Steiner and others have said about the cycles.
0-7 years
One of the most important of these cycles is the first, from birth to seven years of age. Its importance lies in the fact that it is the beginning of everything, the foundation upon which the later structure will be built. Birth gives individual life to an infant body. Even at birth, this small being already has its given potential of intelligence, creativity and personality. But this potential has to come to terms with its environment, which includes its own body. In a human being we cannot have awareness without consciousness; we cannot have thinking without the tools of thought such as language, concepts or ideas. So during our early years we are largely moved by the instincts of hunger, need for love, protection and support, along with pain and the impact of our environment. All this while we build up the inner, mental structures that in later years will allow us to think, to feel, and to be aware of ourselves as an individual.
One of the most important of these inputs is that of the unconscious behavioural responses we learn. From the moment you are born, perhaps even prior to that, you are learning, or there are pressed upon you, responses to what you are experiencing. The culture you are born into is a huge ready-made set of behavioural responses. For instance, an Australian aborigine would easily respond to a huge living grub/caterpillar by eating it. This would be a very difficult behavioural response for most Northern Europeans or Americans. As babies we learnt everything from whether you respond to opportunity with fear or eagerness; to love with fear of warmth; to food as a glutton or with healthy appetite.
At birth there is a very different physical and glandular system than in later years. For a start the sexual organs have not developed, meaning responses to sex and sensation are very global. Also the thymus is very large and in later years becomes smaller. It has been said this, in these early years, gives the child a very primitive response to truth, right and wrong, and what later become moral codes. So the child only slowly develops any real sense of social morality.
But something so mysterious happens to us during this first seven years that once done it can never be undone. The Roman Catholic Church recognises this by saying that if they can have the first seven years of a child’s life, that is all they need to insure a lifelong influence. Napoleon also observed that as the twig is bent, so the tree will grow. This is borne out by seeing the cases of children who have been lost and brought up by animals during these formative years. Even with the best tuition they never learn to become a self aware personality as we know it. Time is a mystery to them, and even though their brain size and function is normal, they never approach the usual capabilities that education gives to modern women and men. So, in the first cycle we pass through an incredible process of learning. This includes motor movements, speech, relationship to ourselves and to our environment. And that means learning a vast amount about what is useful, entertaining or harmful; about what responses we get from others, and developing habits of response that may be difficult to change in later years. We learn a sense of personal awareness and move toward becoming an individual. In other words, we learn to say “I” and know what we mean.
The learning of language is like a powerful computer program that gives us the ability to develop an identity and self awareness. This is shown again by children reared by animals. Language also adds limitations which we can overcome if we recognise them.
Steiner also says that during this first stage of development the developing inner forces are working to transform the body of the child from one that was inherited from the parents, to one that represents the full personality of the child.
Something often overlooked about the stages of growth are ones emotional age.
From age zero we are completely dependent upon the loved person for our needs, physical, emotional and social. Great anger, jealousy or pain are felt if the loved one relates to anyone else, is lost, or threatens to leave. If we do not mature beyond this emotional age, in adulthood this enormous feeling reaction may also be felt at a time of emotional withdrawal of the partner, even if there is no sign of them withdrawing physically. In the infant and toddler there is a desire for unconditional love and a need to be always with the loved one. In an adult with this level of love, sex may be a part of the relationship, but the main need is a bonded connection. This is sometimes felt as a need to have the loved person want you as much, or as desperately, as you want/need them. Possibly the greatest fear, one that can trigger great anger or an enormous desire to placate or earn love, is the threat or fear of being abandoned.
7-14 years
The second cycle, from seven to fourteen, continues this growth. The concepts and association of ideas and emotions that began in the first cycle begin to be discovered by the child. The physical changes also prepare the growing personality for the next stage. The thymus gland decreases rapidly in size, allowing the development of a sense of right and wrong, and social responsibility. A sign of this physical and psychological growth is the losing of the milk teeth and the emergence of our adult teeth. This marks an entrance into a new maturity.
The child has learned, with the advent of its concepts and developing emotions, to create an inner world of its own. It is a world of heroes, danger and vivid imagination. As the thymus fades, and the sexual organs develop, the personality glides into the turbulent world of puberty and adolescence.
Sometimes it is already evident, even from the preceding cycle, the direction of interest and activity the child will take in maturity. Although for the very observant this might be seen in very early years, it becomes more evident as one approaches puberty.
In all a time of inner expansion. You begin to experience and test abilities in the broader sense of the outside world. You may learn to share and interact, controlling earlier instincts in favour of group dynamics. The habits learned in the first period are now part of the character of the growing child.
14-21 years
This is the third cycle, from fourteen to twenty-one. During it we become conscious of ourselves in a new way, and with a different relationship to life. One might say we become “self conscious.” The emotional range expands in all directions, and with this a new appreciation of music, art, literature and people begins. It is found for instance that at puberty the ability to distinguish subtler tones of colour and sound develops. Besides this the person might go through the difficult struggle of breaking away from home life and/or parental influence. It naturally produces conflict as the person learns some degree of independence. Also, the opposite sex, or sex as a urgent impulse, usually becomes all important as the new emotions pour in upon our personality. See Example 5 for information about facing adolescence.
Because of the new range of feelings, many youths experience a different relationship to religion and life’s mysteries. All this, as one approaches twenty-one, produces an individual with some sense of social and individual responsibility, or if not that the beginning or a sense of a direction or life purpose. This might not be recognised as such at the time. But it is a time of searching for life purpose, independence, a realization of choices plus a testing of social and personal limitations as well as an awareness of a burgeoning sexuality. As this is a traumatic period of life for most of us, it is also likely to be a time of many unforgettable dreams.
The period is a time of adding maturity, dignity and poise to the person. If these changes have not occurred by twenty-one, then the person has in some way not covered necessary aspects of development, and both psychology and the law recognises that they are lacking maturity.
This period is one of great and sweeping changes, physically, emotionally, morally and mentally. Such enormous changes often do not occur without an experience of loss. In this case the world of childhood is fading, or it might even be torn away, leaving scars.
It is also a time when many new features of the personality have their beginning, i.e. the religious sense, appreciation of the beautiful, etc. Although such things have their beginnings here, they sometimes remain undeveloped until later years. Because of these changes, and because such a lot is being revealed in these years, it is obvious why so much thought should be given to early marriage. Because of one’s changing viewpoint, the particular partner one would choose at seventeen or eighteen, is likely to be different to the partner chosen at twenty-one and beyond.
The emotional development at this age is possibly seen as initial uncertainty or clumsiness concerning emotional and sexual contact. It often involves desire to explore many relationships, unless there are forces of introversion or personal and social uncertainty at work. We are still finding out what our boundaries and needs are, and the sexual drive as at full flood.. Any partner we have at this time may be loved for ones own needs – rather than out of recognition of who the other person is. Great romantic feelings and spontaneous love which are often difficult to maintain in face of difficulties.
21-28 years
The cycle that follows from twenty-one to twenty-eight, can more or less be called a process of enlargement and refinement. It is the period that we mentally and emotionally enter into adulthood. We start to build the foundations of our careers and intimate relationships with a driving energy that we hope will gain us entry and respect in the larger world.
One of the most marked features is the developing sense of discrimination. The faculties of insight, intuition, judgement and understanding begin to come to the fore. The personality softens and begins to mellow. The sparks of interest that were awakened in the previous cycles begin to be developed along more definite lines. The abilities of the last cycle also flourish. The adult emotional age may begin to emerges if one has successfully grown through the previous levels. This shows as a growing sense of recognising needs of ones partner yet not denying ones own. It is followed by an ability to be something for the partners sake without losing ones own independence or will. One becomes more aware of the issues that colour or influence relationship, and meeting them in cooperation with others. Independence and connection can appear together instead of opposite ends of a spectrum. You move toward becoming caring sexual partners through discovering each others needs and vulnerability.
In this period you will begin to confront the issue that you were either born with, or arose through the challenges and pains of your infancy and childhood. These usually show as the way you handle intimate relationships, whether you can really meet in partnership with the opposite sex, and how you respond to the external world, its challenges and opportunities.
At this time what is revealed may not be addressed as a personal problem or issues to be healed or re-evaluated. They will be faced more directly later if they are not dealt with now.
28-35 years
The changes become more subtle as the years pass. The next cycle from twenty eight to thirty-five, for instance, is one where the creative process of mind becomes most active. Researchers and inventors seem to make their greatest advances during these years. It is interesting to note that physical science finds evidence of the reason for this in the fact that the association centres of the brain come to their peak efficiency at about thirty-five years of age.
This is even more interesting when we see that most of the great religious teachers and philosophers came to some vital experience at thirty-five. Jesus, Buddha, Paul, Dante and Jacob Behmen were all in the region of thirty-five at the point of their greatest insights. It would seem then, that if there is an inspirational influence at work in the life, it would possibly reach its peak during these years in and around thirty-five.
Here we take stock of ourselves and the emotional influences that have shaped our personality. We begin to determine what is us and what traits we have been pressured by family, peers or society to adopt.
35-42 years
From the thirty-fifth to the forty-second year, depending upon one’s personality and what one’s circumstances allow, one begins to feel a new restlessness. In some degree a desire to share whatever one has gained through life with others comes to the surface. Thus we find many successful business men building libraries, or aiding colleges and the arts at this period in their life. What has been developed or realised can be taken to greater subtlety during this period. This is almost like unfolding something, perhaps similar to the way a flower unfolds a bud that has been developing in earlier phases of its growth.
This is when we reassess the results of what we are doing externally in our life. Our relationships, careers, habits and the ways we interact are all put under scrutiny and modified or changed. It’s a time of facing up to what does and what doesn’t satisfy us.
You may reach heights or realisation and creativity not touched previously. The profound breakthrough of ones innate genius that emerges around this time will no doubt be expressed in some degree. However, whatever is attained or realised will be enlarged and synthesised in later periods.
42-49 years
In the next cycle from forty-two until forty-nine a major change usually takes place. It is as if one takes all of one’s life experience up till this age and begins to digest it, and extract from it new ideals and a new direction in life. There is often tremendous unrest in this period and that following it. The unlived aspects of life cry out to be recognised and allowed. The desire to make a mark in life if it has not already been achieved presses for action here.
At this point it appears to many of us that we have reached the mid point of our life and from here on there will be a decline. Even if this is not so it is often felt very strongly and acted upon in one way of another. People change partners, life directions, and even attempt major personal changes, although these latter may have begun in the last cycle.
Also, the emotional age and the maturing of love may at last show signs of an unconditional love. If this is not appearing in small degree, it might be one is still locked in earlier ages. Strangely, many of us maintain the emotional age of a child right into mature years, feeling all the fear of abandonment, jealousy and possessiveness of our childhood. Many divorces and new directions appear around this period.
In these years we move from old stereotypical roles with a new found confidence in our individuality. We are prepared to please our self, rather than society and gain a real understanding of our uniqueness, accompanied by a sense of urgency to express our true self before it gets too late.
49-56 years
In this, and the next cycle from forty-nine to fifty-six, and the periods that follow, the physical changes bring about a mental or spiritual climax. The decline of physical prowess and vitality, forces the person to direct their attention inwards more frequently. Any problems of our personality, such as maladjustment and our repressions, will undoubtedly become more urgent in these years. This reacts upon one’s marriage and professional life alike. The problem is that we have to learn to live with ourselves in a new way. We slowly have to adapt to our new-old body, and habits of long-standing do not die easily.
This is when we take an inventory of our life. It’s a time of spiritual questioning and review of our life purpose. If we haven’t successfully understood who we are by this stage and achieved our goals, then depression, moodiness and turmoil will plague both our waking life and our dreams.
56-63 years
This period is often a time of inner tranquility and acceptance. At peace with oneself and more accepting of where we are and what we have achieved marks this period. But many things that were lying unlived within you might arise at this time, either as a form of unrest, or as directly living out those things that duty or work – or even self restraints – kept you from doing or being.
Usually your life situation begins to change in this stage. There is the start of a great shift and adjustment, both in terms of external activities, but also in how you deal with and feel about relationships. Part of the difficulty is that you have lived a long life as a younger person, and the old ways of dealing with things is often difficult to let go of as things change. The opportunity to experiment more fully in life helps you to reassess yourself and what new way of relating and being suits you or is satisfying.
The psychiatrist Carl Jung and others such as Nietzsche developed a whole theory about this period of life that he called Individuation. Perhaps the influence of this began in the last periods during the forties, but becomes more marked now. As an individual we may come to recognise that our make-up is formed out of the collective experience of our family and the culture we have been exposed to. The question, “Who am I,” leads us to look more fully into what makes us who we are. This awareness and the insight gained from it transforms us. The change is that of becoming more fully independent of the forces that formed us. This means we create something new of who we are, and perhaps leave something of this new self in the world by what we do, create or live. Not every one undertakes this diving into the depths of self to discover ones core being.
To quote from the website Soul-Guidance, “Individuation means that one becomes a person, an individual, a totally integrated personality. It is a process of self realization during which one integrates those contents of the psyche that have the ability to become conscious. It is a search for totality. It is an experience that could be formulated as the discovery of the divine in yourself, or the discovery of the totality of your Self. This does not always happen without pain, but it is necessary to accept many things that normally we would shy away from. Once a person has accepted the contents of his unconsciousness and has reached the goal of the individuation process, he is conscious of his relationships with everything that lives, with the entire cosmos.”
63-70 years
Now we have deeper acceptance and understanding of the people in our life. We appreciate the differences between us and our friends and look to the good rather than the bad in people. This is a period where our accumulated experience seeks new creative outlets.
A particularly noticeable process that occurs here is a conscious or unconscious sifting of life experience and moving toward what is the essence and best of what one has been and learned from the years and experiences. Sometimes, if you can actually be aware of and work with this process, it leads to a sense of being lost or uncertain. By this is meant that for most of us external needs have dictated the direction of much that we have done or was needed of us. Now a great deal of this external pressure is removed. With its loss you realise that a great many choices or directions are open to you. It is like standing at cross roads with many directions. Which one do you want to take? Often it needs you to stand and observe before any direction from your own core wishes emerges. If during your life you have never worked at dealing with the difficulties and weaknesses or pains innate in you, then this period can lead to great confusion and the meeting of many shadows that you may not yet have developed the skills to deal with previously.
This is also a time in life when natural inner processes can lead you to a greater awareness of what lies beyond death. Things fall away naturally if you let them. A greater detachment from things of the world arises and this in itself is a foretaste of death in which you can let go of all that you have held on to.
70-77 years
Of course there are no fixed boundaries and so one may achieve this level of maturity at another period. But if the issues met in the previous cycle have been dealt with, then there is a new awareness of the subtle sides of life, and a changed relationship with those you love or come in contact with. There is a greater unconditional love and acceptance. By this is meant that awareness of the depths and subtleties of ones own self are known more fully. If you are a person who has an active inner life, it can happen that the huge harvest of gathered life experience that was sifted and synthesised into clearer and more streamlined, or simpler concepts and meanings, is now expressed in your life and dealings with others. You may not be as powerful and active in the outer world, but you are gaining strength and effectiveness on people’s inner life if you are still healthy.
But such changes, as always, depend upon how well you have dealt with the problems, trauma as ability to grow during your life.
77-84 years onwards
During the three preceding periods a new self was developed. This emerged out of a summary and synthesis or all that you had lived. Perhaps, if you gave attention to your inner life, doorways of perception were opened through which you saw how your present life is a continuum of the long past, of ancestors and other influences. From this new self and widened perceptions you are acting and living in the world in a different way. The essence of the purpose, love and ideas you lived by is given new expression.
As we have seen, the various physical changes have interacted with the spark of awareness lit at birth, causing changes in consciousness and attitude. Might we not speculate then, by saying that the biggest physical change of all-death – may be but a pre-requisite for yet another cycle of life; an initiation into an entirely new type of awareness? In fact it can happen that from the last cycle onwards, if you dare to experience your inner life reasonably fully, you will already have experienced what naked awareness is like, or have penetrated what is called death in some way.
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More info here: http://www.starbridge.com.au/en/elearning/lesson-5-time-seven-year-cycles.htm and http://dreamhawk.com/body-and-mind/every-seven-years-you-change.
~ Luciana.
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Become aware of all your pretensions
The first seven years of life are the most important time. If the person is going to live seventy years then those first seven years are going to be decisive for seventy years, because he will repeat the same pattern on different planes. He will pretend to love his wife, he will pretend to love his children, he will pretend to love his friends. And the pretensions will go deep that he will not even feel that this is a pretension; he will think this is what love is supposed to be. This is love.
That's why everybody in the whole world is loving and the world is turning into a madhouse. People should be blissful-if there is so much love in the world everybody should be flowering. Something very basic is missing.
My effort here is to help you become aware of all your pretensions. Once you are aware they can be dropped. They can be dropped very easily - the whole thing is to become aware of them. They have gone deep, their roots have reached very deep into your bones, into your very marrow. So one has to be very alert, very aware, to find all the roots. Once you have found all the roots of your false pseudo love, you can uproot all the weeds and you will become again a child and you will start afresh from the very beginning of innocence, and then there will be spontaneity, naturalness.
Osho: A Must for Before Sleep p.225
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Rudolph Steiners description
of the 7-year cycles
WAKING UP 0 - 7 years
The physical organism is build up. The emergence of the remaining teeth is, according to Steiner, a sign that the process is complete.
The child looks around, crawls around and finally walks around.
Simultaneous with the walking comes the "I" and "me". It is so important that the "I" is allowed to gradually expand deep into the . The "children's diseases", with their high fevers is an aid for that, since a high fever is causing an expansion of the consciousness into the etheric and astral.
The child can hardly bear an everyday event, as for example to see a dead bird on the road, but will happily listen to fairytales where witches torture kids and themselves are brutally murdered!
It is important that the child lives in and works out her own fairytales and fairytale-heroes, so that these stories and heroes are not imposed from outside, but growing forth from inside.
This also is the reason why Steiner recommends simple toys, dolls with no face etc, so that the child's imagination put the face on, and not a remote adult or computer. Television and even reading at this young age therefore is seen as potentially damaging.
THE MAGIC AGE 7 - 14 YEARS
We are still in the process of incarnation; the full aura of the child is not yet manifest. In this phase, the feeling-body, (the astral) needs to be build in to the earthly existence.
The adult is in many ways living in an abstract world, dealing with responsibilities, planing, goals etc, that are beyond the interest and capacity of the child. Yet, we often are "proud" of our child if they achieve in this world, are quick to learn to read etc.
Where the child is at, experiences, wonder, magic, is the age- appropriate challenges, not logic.
An important part of this, - other than not just living a routine-life- is fairytales. ian speaking fairytales off course is build around archetypes. And being allowed to assimilate them, meet them, battle with them on her own terms, allows the child to build a depth and confidence in her own .
Here after Johannes Dragsdal: Hvert alderstrin sin opgave
WHO AM I? 14 - 21 years
The "child" is no longer a child, but neither is he an adult -
Sometimes amazingly grown up attitudes is displayed, sometimes the teddy bear needs a cuddle, the "child" can not find his footing - rarely can the parents! -
This time calls for a very delicate balance of authority and respect of the "child's" autonomy.
The puberty ought not just to be the maturing of the sexual being, but also a maturing in the ability to penetrate reality.
The need to separate things or statements, criticise or build "utopias" is obvious, and therefore now, the modern empiric teaching-methods are relevant.
The big mood-swings are important, they create an inner containment, a space big enough to harbour both huge appetite on life and a deep pain in the realisation of the sad state of affairs in real life, the dichotomy between life and death etc.
At the age of 18 years, 7 month and 4 days, the young meets the peculiar phenomena, the Moon-knot. This day, the moon is in exact the same position with sun and earth as it was when we were born. This period therefore is a rebirth, a break in the outer circumstances, a shift of deep consequences.
The moon-knot comes again when we are 37 and 56.
SELF REARING 21 - 28 years
The physical development is complete, and mentally the question -"what can I do on this earth is in focus.
The young has left -or should leave- home. It is time to be responsible, feel consequences when experimenting, playing, being serious or not at all serious, studying or procrastinating, inviting parental advice and acting opposite… Maybe the young most of all needs a wall to play his balls up against.
The intellectual peak is roughly from 21 - 42, so the challenge is to honour that, without letting go of the intuitive, more mystical and creative perception.
LIFE-ACHIEVEMENT 28 -35 years
It is as if the period up to now was a preparation, in many cases something happened that turned out to be the basis for the life's achievement. It is a period coloured by will, so the question is wether the will is in the ego's service, or has the quiet questions from the soul, a quest for the deeper purpose with life been preserved, listened to. This balance is very important for the coming 7-year periods.
Rudolph Steiner says that it is not enough to teach will, willingness to sacrifice is more important. It is the ego that must be sacrificed to reach the higher goals.
THE POWERS IS RECOGNISED 35 - 42 years
Being in the middle of life, the output to life has been established, the feed back is coming. Either does the world accept or reject, it is no longer one self that is rearing; now the world is our teacher.
The second moon-knot is when we are 37 years, 2 month and 8 days.
So again a new rebirth. This second moon knot is in particular a confrontation with the outer. At that age started his "travel into hell", into the depth of his , making him conclude that he no longer lives for himself alone.
POWER TEMPTATIONS 42 - 49 years
At the age of 42 the meeting with the dead stuff in ourselves is beginning to come forth, the calcification in body and .
It is the rigidity, the habits, the avariciousness that have their day.
AGE-PROBLEM 49 - 56 years
Some people around the fifty years age are only interested in job-advancements and themselves, they have gone rigid in the I-disease, is spiritually speaking already dead.
In this age, if we succeed in not becoming trapped in ego and fear, not trapped in "holding on to our youth" we begin to be free from the personal destiny that has been like a insistence over the rest of the life, we begin to collect the deeper insights that life has given us, and begin to be independent enough to express it.
At the age of 56 years, 9 month and 12 days comes the third moon-knot. This is a bit like a judgment - what was learned? Have I anything to live on for?
METAMORPHOSIS 56 - 63 years
In an achievement-based society the elderly is a problem, not an asset. The wisdom inherited in a long life, the more time retirement gives, the independence from duties and expectations, all point to a spiritual peak. If there is not a spiritual openness, the period off course is empty, despair, or at best filled out with social life and entertainment, a waiting period for death.
DAYS OF GRACE 63 - ?
From planing in 10-year periods, the perspective more and more comes towards a gratitude for the day before us There is no longer any ambition, we can wholeheartedly "just be"- if the spiritual values is not there, a disappointment with life, a for death will come forth.
Death is off course coming nearer, and our avoidance of - or of this inevitable polarity to birth is now in focus wether we deny it or ponder it.
If just the fear of death could be eliminated.
Interestingly: For the ancient Greeks, the youthful and very strong god Hermes was the god of death. For us it is the ripper, a skeleton with no nourishment. There is a sad loss of searchlight into the unknown with a symbol for the transition so devout of joy.
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Every Seven Years You Change
Most cells in your body is renewed over a period of time.
Does your personality change, too?
Rudolph Steiner, the great teacher of Anthroposophy said that the seven-year cycles continue throughout life, and are of the utmost importance to doctors, teachers, psychiatrists and the social sciences. Without some smattering of these changes it is difficult for anyone to understand the relationship of any given individual with his or her environment. So I have tried to summarise what Steiner and others have said about the cycles.
0-7 years
One of the most important of these cycles is the first, from birth to seven years of age. Its importance lies in the fact that it is the beginning of everything, the foundation upon which the later structure will be built. Birth gives individual life to an infant body. Even at birth, this small being already has its given potential of intelligence, creativity and personality. But this potential has to come to terms with its environment, which includes its own body. In a human being we cannot have awareness without consciousness; we cannot have thinking without the tools of thought such as language, concepts or ideas. So during our early years we are largely moved by the instincts of hunger, need for love, protection and support, along with pain and the impact of our environment. All this while we build up the inner, mental structures that in later years will allow us to think, to feel, and to be aware of ourselves as an individual.
One of the most important of these inputs is that of the unconscious behavioural responses we learn. From the moment you are born, perhaps even prior to that, you are learning, or there are pressed upon you, responses to what you are experiencing. The culture you are born into is a huge ready-made set of behavioural responses. For instance, an Australian aborigine would easily respond to a huge living grub/caterpillar by eating it. This would be a very difficult behavioural response for most Northern Europeans or Americans. As babies we learnt everything from whether you respond to opportunity with fear or eagerness; to love with fear of warmth; to food as a glutton or with healthy appetite.
At birth there is a very different physical and glandular system than in later years. For a start the sexual organs have not developed, meaning responses to sex and sensation are very global. Also the thymus is very large and in later years becomes smaller. It has been said this, in these early years, gives the child a very primitive response to truth, right and wrong, and what later become moral codes. So the child only slowly develops any real sense of social morality.
But something so mysterious happens to us during this first seven years that once done it can never be undone. The Roman Catholic Church recognises this by saying that if they can have the first seven years of a child’s life, that is all they need to insure a lifelong influence. Napoleon also observed that as the twig is bent, so the tree will grow. This is borne out by seeing the cases of children who have been lost and brought up by animals during these formative years. Even with the best tuition they never learn to become a self aware personality as we know it. Time is a mystery to them, and even though their brain size and function is normal, they never approach the usual capabilities that education gives to modern women and men. So, in the first cycle we pass through an incredible process of learning. This includes motor movements, speech, relationship to ourselves and to our environment. And that means learning a vast amount about what is useful, entertaining or harmful; about what responses we get from others, and developing habits of response that may be difficult to change in later years. We learn a sense of personal awareness and move toward becoming an individual. In other words, we learn to say “I” and know what we mean.
The learning of language is like a powerful computer program that gives us the ability to develop an identity and self awareness. This is shown again by children reared by animals. Language also adds limitations which we can overcome if we recognise them.
Steiner also says that during this first stage of development the developing inner forces are working to transform the body of the child from one that was inherited from the parents, to one that represents the full personality of the child.
Something often overlooked about the stages of growth are ones emotional age.
From age zero we are completely dependent upon the loved person for our needs, physical, emotional and social. Great anger, jealousy or pain are felt if the loved one relates to anyone else, is lost, or threatens to leave. If we do not mature beyond this emotional age, in adulthood this enormous feeling reaction may also be felt at a time of emotional withdrawal of the partner, even if there is no sign of them withdrawing physically. In the infant and toddler there is a desire for unconditional love and a need to be always with the loved one. In an adult with this level of love, sex may be a part of the relationship, but the main need is a bonded connection. This is sometimes felt as a need to have the loved person want you as much, or as desperately, as you want/need them. Possibly the greatest fear, one that can trigger great anger or an enormous desire to placate or earn love, is the threat or fear of being abandoned.
7-14 years
The second cycle, from seven to fourteen, continues this growth. The concepts and association of ideas and emotions that began in the first cycle begin to be discovered by the child. The physical changes also prepare the growing personality for the next stage. The thymus gland decreases rapidly in size, allowing the development of a sense of right and wrong, and social responsibility. A sign of this physical and psychological growth is the losing of the milk teeth and the emergence of our adult teeth. This marks an entrance into a new maturity.
The child has learned, with the advent of its concepts and developing emotions, to create an inner world of its own. It is a world of heroes, danger and vivid imagination. As the thymus fades, and the sexual organs develop, the personality glides into the turbulent world of puberty and adolescence.
Sometimes it is already evident, even from the preceding cycle, the direction of interest and activity the child will take in maturity. Although for the very observant this might be seen in very early years, it becomes more evident as one approaches puberty.
In all a time of inner expansion. You begin to experience and test abilities in the broader sense of the outside world. You may learn to share and interact, controlling earlier instincts in favour of group dynamics. The habits learned in the first period are now part of the character of the growing child.
14-21 years
This is the third cycle, from fourteen to twenty-one. During it we become conscious of ourselves in a new way, and with a different relationship to life. One might say we become “self conscious.” The emotional range expands in all directions, and with this a new appreciation of music, art, literature and people begins. It is found for instance that at puberty the ability to distinguish subtler tones of colour and sound develops. Besides this the person might go through the difficult struggle of breaking away from home life and/or parental influence. It naturally produces conflict as the person learns some degree of independence. Also, the opposite sex, or sex as a urgent impulse, usually becomes all important as the new emotions pour in upon our personality. See Example 5 for information about facing adolescence.
Because of the new range of feelings, many youths experience a different relationship to religion and life’s mysteries. All this, as one approaches twenty-one, produces an individual with some sense of social and individual responsibility, or if not that the beginning or a sense of a direction or life purpose. This might not be recognised as such at the time. But it is a time of searching for life purpose, independence, a realization of choices plus a testing of social and personal limitations as well as an awareness of a burgeoning sexuality. As this is a traumatic period of life for most of us, it is also likely to be a time of many unforgettable dreams.
The period is a time of adding maturity, dignity and poise to the person. If these changes have not occurred by twenty-one, then the person has in some way not covered necessary aspects of development, and both psychology and the law recognises that they are lacking maturity.
This period is one of great and sweeping changes, physically, emotionally, morally and mentally. Such enormous changes often do not occur without an experience of loss. In this case the world of childhood is fading, or it might even be torn away, leaving scars.
It is also a time when many new features of the personality have their beginning, i.e. the religious sense, appreciation of the beautiful, etc. Although such things have their beginnings here, they sometimes remain undeveloped until later years. Because of these changes, and because such a lot is being revealed in these years, it is obvious why so much thought should be given to early marriage. Because of one’s changing viewpoint, the particular partner one would choose at seventeen or eighteen, is likely to be different to the partner chosen at twenty-one and beyond.
The emotional development at this age is possibly seen as initial uncertainty or clumsiness concerning emotional and sexual contact. It often involves desire to explore many relationships, unless there are forces of introversion or personal and social uncertainty at work. We are still finding out what our boundaries and needs are, and the sexual drive as at full flood.. Any partner we have at this time may be loved for ones own needs – rather than out of recognition of who the other person is. Great romantic feelings and spontaneous love which are often difficult to maintain in face of difficulties.
21-28 years
The cycle that follows from twenty-one to twenty-eight, can more or less be called a process of enlargement and refinement. It is the period that we mentally and emotionally enter into adulthood. We start to build the foundations of our careers and intimate relationships with a driving energy that we hope will gain us entry and respect in the larger world.
One of the most marked features is the developing sense of discrimination. The faculties of insight, intuition, judgement and understanding begin to come to the fore. The personality softens and begins to mellow. The sparks of interest that were awakened in the previous cycles begin to be developed along more definite lines. The abilities of the last cycle also flourish. The adult emotional age may begin to emerges if one has successfully grown through the previous levels. This shows as a growing sense of recognising needs of ones partner yet not denying ones own. It is followed by an ability to be something for the partners sake without losing ones own independence or will. One becomes more aware of the issues that colour or influence relationship, and meeting them in cooperation with others. Independence and connection can appear together instead of opposite ends of a spectrum. You move toward becoming caring sexual partners through discovering each others needs and vulnerability.
In this period you will begin to confront the issue that you were either born with, or arose through the challenges and pains of your infancy and childhood. These usually show as the way you handle intimate relationships, whether you can really meet in partnership with the opposite sex, and how you respond to the external world, its challenges and opportunities.
At this time what is revealed may not be addressed as a personal problem or issues to be healed or re-evaluated. They will be faced more directly later if they are not dealt with now.
28-35 years
The changes become more subtle as the years pass. The next cycle from twenty eight to thirty-five, for instance, is one where the creative process of mind becomes most active. Researchers and inventors seem to make their greatest advances during these years. It is interesting to note that physical science finds evidence of the reason for this in the fact that the association centres of the brain come to their peak efficiency at about thirty-five years of age.
This is even more interesting when we see that most of the great religious teachers and philosophers came to some vital experience at thirty-five. Jesus, Buddha, Paul, Dante and Jacob Behmen were all in the region of thirty-five at the point of their greatest insights. It would seem then, that if there is an inspirational influence at work in the life, it would possibly reach its peak during these years in and around thirty-five.
Here we take stock of ourselves and the emotional influences that have shaped our personality. We begin to determine what is us and what traits we have been pressured by family, peers or society to adopt.
35-42 years
From the thirty-fifth to the forty-second year, depending upon one’s personality and what one’s circumstances allow, one begins to feel a new restlessness. In some degree a desire to share whatever one has gained through life with others comes to the surface. Thus we find many successful business men building libraries, or aiding colleges and the arts at this period in their life. What has been developed or realised can be taken to greater subtlety during this period. This is almost like unfolding something, perhaps similar to the way a flower unfolds a bud that has been developing in earlier phases of its growth.
This is when we reassess the results of what we are doing externally in our life. Our relationships, careers, habits and the ways we interact are all put under scrutiny and modified or changed. It’s a time of facing up to what does and what doesn’t satisfy us.
You may reach heights or realisation and creativity not touched previously. The profound breakthrough of ones innate genius that emerges around this time will no doubt be expressed in some degree. However, whatever is attained or realised will be enlarged and synthesised in later periods.
42-49 years
In the next cycle from forty-two until forty-nine a major change usually takes place. It is as if one takes all of one’s life experience up till this age and begins to digest it, and extract from it new ideals and a new direction in life. There is often tremendous unrest in this period and that following it. The unlived aspects of life cry out to be recognised and allowed. The desire to make a mark in life if it has not already been achieved presses for action here.
At this point it appears to many of us that we have reached the mid point of our life and from here on there will be a decline. Even if this is not so it is often felt very strongly and acted upon in one way of another. People change partners, life directions, and even attempt major personal changes, although these latter may have begun in the last cycle.
Also, the emotional age and the maturing of love may at last show signs of an unconditional love. If this is not appearing in small degree, it might be one is still locked in earlier ages. Strangely, many of us maintain the emotional age of a child right into mature years, feeling all the fear of abandonment, jealousy and possessiveness of our childhood. Many divorces and new directions appear around this period.
In these years we move from old stereotypical roles with a new found confidence in our individuality. We are prepared to please our self, rather than society and gain a real understanding of our uniqueness, accompanied by a sense of urgency to express our true self before it gets too late.
49-56 years
In this, and the next cycle from forty-nine to fifty-six, and the periods that follow, the physical changes bring about a mental or spiritual climax. The decline of physical prowess and vitality, forces the person to direct their attention inwards more frequently. Any problems of our personality, such as maladjustment and our repressions, will undoubtedly become more urgent in these years. This reacts upon one’s marriage and professional life alike. The problem is that we have to learn to live with ourselves in a new way. We slowly have to adapt to our new-old body, and habits of long-standing do not die easily.
This is when we take an inventory of our life. It’s a time of spiritual questioning and review of our life purpose. If we haven’t successfully understood who we are by this stage and achieved our goals, then depression, moodiness and turmoil will plague both our waking life and our dreams.
56-63 years
This period is often a time of inner tranquility and acceptance. At peace with oneself and more accepting of where we are and what we have achieved marks this period. But many things that were lying unlived within you might arise at this time, either as a form of unrest, or as directly living out those things that duty or work – or even self restraints – kept you from doing or being.
Usually your life situation begins to change in this stage. There is the start of a great shift and adjustment, both in terms of external activities, but also in how you deal with and feel about relationships. Part of the difficulty is that you have lived a long life as a younger person, and the old ways of dealing with things is often difficult to let go of as things change. The opportunity to experiment more fully in life helps you to reassess yourself and what new way of relating and being suits you or is satisfying.
The psychiatrist Carl Jung and others such as Nietzsche developed a whole theory about this period of life that he called Individuation. Perhaps the influence of this began in the last periods during the forties, but becomes more marked now. As an individual we may come to recognise that our make-up is formed out of the collective experience of our family and the culture we have been exposed to. The question, “Who am I,” leads us to look more fully into what makes us who we are. This awareness and the insight gained from it transforms us. The change is that of becoming more fully independent of the forces that formed us. This means we create something new of who we are, and perhaps leave something of this new self in the world by what we do, create or live. Not every one undertakes this diving into the depths of self to discover ones core being.
To quote from the website Soul-Guidance, “Individuation means that one becomes a person, an individual, a totally integrated personality. It is a process of self realization during which one integrates those contents of the psyche that have the ability to become conscious. It is a search for totality. It is an experience that could be formulated as the discovery of the divine in yourself, or the discovery of the totality of your Self. This does not always happen without pain, but it is necessary to accept many things that normally we would shy away from. Once a person has accepted the contents of his unconsciousness and has reached the goal of the individuation process, he is conscious of his relationships with everything that lives, with the entire cosmos.”
63-70 years
Now we have deeper acceptance and understanding of the people in our life. We appreciate the differences between us and our friends and look to the good rather than the bad in people. This is a period where our accumulated experience seeks new creative outlets.
A particularly noticeable process that occurs here is a conscious or unconscious sifting of life experience and moving toward what is the essence and best of what one has been and learned from the years and experiences. Sometimes, if you can actually be aware of and work with this process, it leads to a sense of being lost or uncertain. By this is meant that for most of us external needs have dictated the direction of much that we have done or was needed of us. Now a great deal of this external pressure is removed. With its loss you realise that a great many choices or directions are open to you. It is like standing at cross roads with many directions. Which one do you want to take? Often it needs you to stand and observe before any direction from your own core wishes emerges. If during your life you have never worked at dealing with the difficulties and weaknesses or pains innate in you, then this period can lead to great confusion and the meeting of many shadows that you may not yet have developed the skills to deal with previously.
This is also a time in life when natural inner processes can lead you to a greater awareness of what lies beyond death. Things fall away naturally if you let them. A greater detachment from things of the world arises and this in itself is a foretaste of death in which you can let go of all that you have held on to.
70-77 years
Of course there are no fixed boundaries and so one may achieve this level of maturity at another period. But if the issues met in the previous cycle have been dealt with, then there is a new awareness of the subtle sides of life, and a changed relationship with those you love or come in contact with. There is a greater unconditional love and acceptance. By this is meant that awareness of the depths and subtleties of ones own self are known more fully. If you are a person who has an active inner life, it can happen that the huge harvest of gathered life experience that was sifted and synthesised into clearer and more streamlined, or simpler concepts and meanings, is now expressed in your life and dealings with others. You may not be as powerful and active in the outer world, but you are gaining strength and effectiveness on people’s inner life if you are still healthy.
But such changes, as always, depend upon how well you have dealt with the problems, trauma as ability to grow during your life.
77-84 years onwards
During the three preceding periods a new self was developed. This emerged out of a summary and synthesis or all that you had lived. Perhaps, if you gave attention to your inner life, doorways of perception were opened through which you saw how your present life is a continuum of the long past, of ancestors and other influences. From this new self and widened perceptions you are acting and living in the world in a different way. The essence of the purpose, love and ideas you lived by is given new expression.
As we have seen, the various physical changes have interacted with the spark of awareness lit at birth, causing changes in consciousness and attitude. Might we not speculate then, by saying that the biggest physical change of all-death – may be but a pre-requisite for yet another cycle of life; an initiation into an entirely new type of awareness? In fact it can happen that from the last cycle onwards, if you dare to experience your inner life reasonably fully, you will already have experienced what naked awareness is like, or have penetrated what is called death in some way.
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More info here: http://www.starbridge.com.au/en/elearning/lesson-5-time-seven-year-cycles.htm and http://dreamhawk.com/body-and-mind/every-seven-years-you-change.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Finding the Gifts in Dysfunction -Lynne Forrest.
Sometimes there is concern expressed that we might actually mislead or make matters worse by looking for the gifts in every situation, especially when we’re seeking the positives in painful relationships with those who may NOT have our best interest in mind. The concern is that seeking to find gratitude for such situations in our lives might mislead us into rationalizing and/or denying injustice and abuse when what we need to be doing is protecting ourselves.
Indeed there is a fine line for many in making the distinction between rationalizing as a way of denying danger as opposed to finding the gift in painful situations … so I appreciate the word of caution.
And I want to clarify for those of you who may have wondered similarly by first asking a couple of questions for you to consider?
The questions:
Is it true that we cannot find or focus on the gifts we received in a painful situation without denying the possibility of it being a dangerous one for us?
Is it true that it is safe only to appreciate the relationships in our life with those whose intentions we trust are honorable?
A brief, but relevant, aside:
Do you know the story about the scorpion and the frog?
It is this:
The scorpion was drowning and begged the frog, who is not threatened by water, to give him a ride to dry land… but the frog refused, saying,“You will sting me if I help you!” “Oh no,” said the scorpion, “I would never hurt you, why, I would be so grateful to you for saving my life that we’d be best friends forever!”
Finally against the frogs better judgment, he consented to give the scorpion a ride on his back to dry land. Well, sure enough, as the scorpion slid off the frog’s back onto dry land, he gave him the frog a killing sting.
The frog, in the throes of dying, cried out, “WHY did you sting me after I helped you? I risked my life for you and this is the thanks I get?!”
To which the scorpion replied, “It’s simple … I did what I did because I am a scorpion, and that’s what scorpions do!”
Now, regarding the story’s relevance to the questions asked above:
The story reminds us that all of us, people and scorpions alike, do what we do because we believe what WE think. How “safe” or “dangerous” we are to ourselves and others is determined by our own belief system — it’s our beliefs that determine our nature.
That means if someone believes they must hurt others to be safe or to prosper, they will treat them in hurtful, destructive ways .. i.e. they will be hurtful and abusive to those around them.
Does this mean we must withhold our love from them?
Might it be possible to understand that a person’s misbehavior is not AT or TO us, but that they treat us the way they do simply because they believe their own distorted thoughts? How would knowing that affect the way I see them? Feel towards them? Treat them?
I have experienced that we can remain loving and kind to them without putting ourselves in danger to do it. Sort of like if Mr Frog had said, “I understand you are a scorpion and I know that means you will have to do what scorpions do, and I do not need to judge you for that, but, nor am I willing to endanger myself by giving you a ride on my back … not because I don’t respect or care about you, but simply because my job is to love and take care of me.”
We can take care of ourselves, say no when we need to take care of ourselves, and STILL not need to attack or blame or feel victimized by the “scorpions” in our life — who, after all, are just being true to their own nature based on what they believe they must be and do to survive, just like the rest of us are doing too.
Here’s what Reality teaches us:
There is not a single person in our life that is not there by design. There are no coincidences. And since
Reality is ALWAYS working with us, for us, we can totally rely on knowing that the people in our life (both positive and negative) are there to bring us gifts — of insight, awareness, comparison, or in endless ways that are too many to count… It is up to us to reap the harvest — but if we are busy judging, blaming, defending ourselves from them, as if we made some kind of terrible mistake to have landed them in our life, we will not be able to harvest these gifts and growing opportunities.
It boils down to this:
We are energetic beings. What that means is that we automatically attract to us the people and situations that are a frequency match to our own belief-created frequency. If we have painful beliefs that say we are worthless, for instance, or that says people can’t be trusted not to hurt us, then we will transmit an emotional frequency that will unfailingly attract to us the kind of person who will demonstrate or play out for us those unhappy beliefs. In other words, they will treat us in ways that prove us right!
When we begin to understand that there is no coincidence about who is in our life, when we come to see that the people and situations we have in our life are here as mirrors that reflect our own limiting, self-destructive thoughts and beliefs, then we can choose not to resist them, and we can instead start using our encounters with them as opportunities to clear and refine our own belief system.
THIS is when we come to appreciate the many ways they serve us, regardless of how they treat us! It does not mean we have to tolerate, minimize, deny, or justify abuse … it just means we do not have to turn them into enemies.
Accepting their gifts has nothing to do with denying their unkind nature, nor do we need to allow them to hurt us — it is our job to protect us, not theirs. After all, why would we, in being kind and loving to ourselves, allow anyone, including ourselves, to hurt us?
Accepting the gifts that come from dysfunctional relationship is to understand that we attract these people into our life, not because we are stupid, weak, or sick, but because, seeing our own unkind beliefs play out in a physical relationship with another is the way the world works with us to help us elevate our own consciousness.
--
Lynne Forrest is a non-traditional practitioner who has been in private practice for twenty six years, and the author of a new book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness. Find her on the web at www.lynneforrest.com or www.lynneforrest.com/blog. These articles are copyrighted material. All rights are reserved. No part of these articles may be reproduced by any means or in any form whatsoever without first obtaining the written permission of the author. Permission for reproduction may be requested by contacting Lynne at Another Way Center: (423) 698-0814.Read the original post here: http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2011/06/dying-to-live. Original post: http://www.lynneforrest.com/clearing-story/2012/07/finding-the-gifts-in-dysfuntion
Indeed there is a fine line for many in making the distinction between rationalizing as a way of denying danger as opposed to finding the gift in painful situations … so I appreciate the word of caution.
And I want to clarify for those of you who may have wondered similarly by first asking a couple of questions for you to consider?
The questions:
Is it true that we cannot find or focus on the gifts we received in a painful situation without denying the possibility of it being a dangerous one for us?
Is it true that it is safe only to appreciate the relationships in our life with those whose intentions we trust are honorable?
A brief, but relevant, aside:
Do you know the story about the scorpion and the frog?
It is this:
The scorpion was drowning and begged the frog, who is not threatened by water, to give him a ride to dry land… but the frog refused, saying,“You will sting me if I help you!” “Oh no,” said the scorpion, “I would never hurt you, why, I would be so grateful to you for saving my life that we’d be best friends forever!”
Finally against the frogs better judgment, he consented to give the scorpion a ride on his back to dry land. Well, sure enough, as the scorpion slid off the frog’s back onto dry land, he gave him the frog a killing sting.
The frog, in the throes of dying, cried out, “WHY did you sting me after I helped you? I risked my life for you and this is the thanks I get?!”
To which the scorpion replied, “It’s simple … I did what I did because I am a scorpion, and that’s what scorpions do!”
Now, regarding the story’s relevance to the questions asked above:
The story reminds us that all of us, people and scorpions alike, do what we do because we believe what WE think. How “safe” or “dangerous” we are to ourselves and others is determined by our own belief system — it’s our beliefs that determine our nature.
That means if someone believes they must hurt others to be safe or to prosper, they will treat them in hurtful, destructive ways .. i.e. they will be hurtful and abusive to those around them.
Does this mean we must withhold our love from them?
Might it be possible to understand that a person’s misbehavior is not AT or TO us, but that they treat us the way they do simply because they believe their own distorted thoughts? How would knowing that affect the way I see them? Feel towards them? Treat them?
I have experienced that we can remain loving and kind to them without putting ourselves in danger to do it. Sort of like if Mr Frog had said, “I understand you are a scorpion and I know that means you will have to do what scorpions do, and I do not need to judge you for that, but, nor am I willing to endanger myself by giving you a ride on my back … not because I don’t respect or care about you, but simply because my job is to love and take care of me.”
We can take care of ourselves, say no when we need to take care of ourselves, and STILL not need to attack or blame or feel victimized by the “scorpions” in our life — who, after all, are just being true to their own nature based on what they believe they must be and do to survive, just like the rest of us are doing too.
Here’s what Reality teaches us:
There is not a single person in our life that is not there by design. There are no coincidences. And since
Reality is ALWAYS working with us, for us, we can totally rely on knowing that the people in our life (both positive and negative) are there to bring us gifts — of insight, awareness, comparison, or in endless ways that are too many to count… It is up to us to reap the harvest — but if we are busy judging, blaming, defending ourselves from them, as if we made some kind of terrible mistake to have landed them in our life, we will not be able to harvest these gifts and growing opportunities.
It boils down to this:
We are energetic beings. What that means is that we automatically attract to us the people and situations that are a frequency match to our own belief-created frequency. If we have painful beliefs that say we are worthless, for instance, or that says people can’t be trusted not to hurt us, then we will transmit an emotional frequency that will unfailingly attract to us the kind of person who will demonstrate or play out for us those unhappy beliefs. In other words, they will treat us in ways that prove us right!
When we begin to understand that there is no coincidence about who is in our life, when we come to see that the people and situations we have in our life are here as mirrors that reflect our own limiting, self-destructive thoughts and beliefs, then we can choose not to resist them, and we can instead start using our encounters with them as opportunities to clear and refine our own belief system.
THIS is when we come to appreciate the many ways they serve us, regardless of how they treat us! It does not mean we have to tolerate, minimize, deny, or justify abuse … it just means we do not have to turn them into enemies.
Accepting their gifts has nothing to do with denying their unkind nature, nor do we need to allow them to hurt us — it is our job to protect us, not theirs. After all, why would we, in being kind and loving to ourselves, allow anyone, including ourselves, to hurt us?
Accepting the gifts that come from dysfunctional relationship is to understand that we attract these people into our life, not because we are stupid, weak, or sick, but because, seeing our own unkind beliefs play out in a physical relationship with another is the way the world works with us to help us elevate our own consciousness.
--
Lynne Forrest is a non-traditional practitioner who has been in private practice for twenty six years, and the author of a new book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness. Find her on the web at www.lynneforrest.com or www.lynneforrest.com/blog. These articles are copyrighted material. All rights are reserved. No part of these articles may be reproduced by any means or in any form whatsoever without first obtaining the written permission of the author. Permission for reproduction may be requested by contacting Lynne at Another Way Center: (423) 698-0814.Read the original post here: http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2011/06/dying-to-live. Original post: http://www.lynneforrest.com/clearing-story/2012/07/finding-the-gifts-in-dysfuntion
Living as an Angelic Human -by Toni Elizabeth Sar’h.
It is one thing to talk about Angelic Humans and it’s a completely different subject to talk about living your life as an Angelic Human. So let’s look at a few of the attributes you may run into with your encoded message:
- If you feel out of balance, you are here to bring alignment.
- If you experience a sense of being left out, you are a model of acceptance.
- If your life has been centered on being ignored, you mirror attention.
- If people in your life seem narrow-minded, you are here to expand vision.
- If people in your life seem incoherent, you transmit focus.
- If your life seems filled with limitation, your message is freedom.
- If sorrow, grief and despair have stalked your environment, consider being the utmost in joy.
- If anger, war and frustration seem to be in every situation, you come to bring peace.
- If you constantly feel the need to control, surrender is your message.
- If you have been betrayed, now you resonate with trust.
- If you have been lied to often within your life, truth is your encoded message.
You can take it from here. These are just a few examples of how to decode the message you carry as an Angelic Human and how to bring it into your daily life.
The message you carry is a two-sided coin. One side of the coin is for you as a human being alerting you to your Angelic Human signature. The other side of the coin is for the group you came to bring a message for or it could be for the whole.
Some Angelic Humans bring a message for a particular group, for instance nurses, teachers, mothers or fathers. Other Angelic Humans bring a message for the whole.
It doesn’t make any difference what your message is or to what area of the population you feel drawn to direct it. It is your message, front and center, and inherently you know that.
Focusing on the essence of your Angelic Human message creates a sense of coherency within your life because it changes the surface tension you experience providing the stimulation to awaken to the message replacing it with the embodiment of the message itself. If this feels difficult, know that your soul does not ever experience anything that is “too hard to handle”. Your ego personality may believe so. Your spirit and soul know better.
Bring your message forward into the world loud and clear. Do you know that everyone is waiting for you?
--
Toni Elizabeth Sar’h Petrinovich is a Master Teacher, mystic and quantum physical researcher with a ministerial doctorate in metaphysics. She is the author of The Call – Awakening the Angelic Human, and its accompanying CD, DNA Re-Awakening, You – A Field Guide, Finding an End to Seeking, DeLight of the Orbs and Speaking of Light. Toni teaches metaphysics and the sacred connection within through her Meta yoU classes, guided meditation CDs, DVD production and video presentations. www.youaresacred.com
See original post here: http://sacredspaceswa.com/documents/LivingasanAngelicHuman.pdf
See original post here: http://sacredspaceswa.com/documents/LivingasanAngelicHuman.pdf
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Five Essential Skills for Leadership in the 21st Century, by Melanie Greenberg.
The 21st century presents many new challenges for both employees and business leaders. In an interconnected, fast moving world, we need to learn cognitive flexibility, stress tolerance, and divergent thinking. While technology can make us more effective, new theories of leadership emphasize the importance of trust and establishing long-term relationships. In a competitive world, we need leaders with novel ideas, who are willing to take risks, inspire and motivate, and build new strategic partnerships to address global challenges. In these endeavors, leaders need to incorporate skills that are more in the realm of psychology and cognitive science. Below is a psychologist’s perspective on what it takes to succeed in the new world of business.
1. CONTRIBUTE UNIQUENESS
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." –Bruce Lee
There are so many people out there saying exactly the same thing. To stand out, you have to be original. Being original involves taking time to really think about material that you hear or read. How does this story or research finding relate to finding solutions for the problems that you want to address?
- Have an original perspective that inspires people.
- Apply knowledge from one area to another or synthesize ideas from different disciplines.
- Tell a different story about the material; Relate it to your own life and work experiences.
- Find a novel way to communicate key concepts or approach a problem.
- Trim the fat off of a theory or operational system; add new elements that improve.
2. ACT EFFECTIVELY
“Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right things.” – Peter Drucker
It’s not about getting things done quickly or doing the most activities in the shortest time. Rather than doing a bunch of busywork, take time to formulate a vision and set priorities and goals. Find a balance between doing the urgent and important things.
- What are the short- and long-term challenges that your team/organization will address?
- In what way will you contribute unique value in addressing these challenges?
- What potential barriers will you face and how will you deal with them?
- What skills and resources do you need to optimally provide and support these new services/technologies.
- How can your team support people to do their best work and support customers to get the best use out of your products/services.
- Sometimes doing the right things will not be the most efficient. Gaining the trust of customers and employees can consume time and resources, but will lead to better long-term stability and effectiveness.
3. BE RESILIENT
“Fall seven times, Stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb
The truth is that everybody makes mistakes. The bigger your goals, the more mistakes you will make. Being innovative means trying new things; and venturing where nobody has gone before. It’s easier to do things the way they’ve always been done, but your long-term impact will be less. If you want to have a memorable and long-term impact, you need to take strategic risks, and that may mean failing or messing up sometimes. Self-confidence is key. Often this comes from having prior successful experiences. Even if you’re doing something new, remember your prior successes, and the personal qualities you have that created them.
- If you believe in your mission and abilities, failure is just a temporary detour.
- Most failures contain one or more lessons. Be willing to admit your contribution to the failure, and be ready to change your thinking about the issue.
- Listen to and collaborate with others, but do not suppress your own voice and goals.
- You may need to take time to grieve the loss of a dream, contemplate, and regroup.
4. EMBRACE CHANGE
“The entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity." – Peter Drucker
We live in a time of rapid technological, geographical, and economic change. Old formulas don't predict as well, anymore. New knowledge about the brain and human genome is already leading to radical new ways of viewing the world. Mobile technology makes the world smaller and increases the access & knowledge of constituents who previously had no voice. This creates many challenges, but also opens the door to new opportunities.
- The human brain naturally resists change, seeing it as a threat.
- It is important to counteract your brain’s natural, fear-based, conservative tendencies and cultivate an optimistic attitude to change.
- Think about how you can apply your tried and true skills and strengths to this changing landscape. What new needs does the change create?
- Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that change brings up in you. See if you can watch fearful reactions without feeling you have to act on them.
5. STAY GROUNDED
“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. “ – Lao Tzu
When you do succeed, do not get too distracted by your ego. Success does not make you invincible or more worthy than other people. Every person has something to contribute and all are worthy of respect (except perhaps human cannibals, etc.). Similarly, if you don’t get desired results, your preconceived views may need to be tweaked, so be willing to change your thinking.Be patient with the process. Results take time. You may have to go through a stage of investing your time and resources, learning new skills, putting ideas out there and waiting for them to take root.
- Always keep the meaning of your work at the forefront. Why are you doing what you do? What contribution do you want to make to bettering the lives of others?
- Value the simple things in life, such as nature, health, friends, coworkers, and family. These will sustain you through the difficult times, so remember to feed them.
- Practice mindful self-awareness to learn compassion for yourself and others. Much of business is about relationships. If you exude a humble, caring, open attitude, and are a team player, others will be more willing to work with or follow you.
- Work hard, but don’t drive yourself like a machine. Life is a marathon, not a sprint., so use your energy wisely and know when you need to replenish.
- You may have underlying needs, that drive you, such as to be acknowledged, have power, be part of a group, be respected, cared about, and so on. The more you understand and acknowledge these needs, the less they will get in the way of your mission.
Using these strategies should help optimize your personal strength and adaptability, passion for your work, ability to act strateically, and work with others in mutually beneficial ways. While the old model of business emphasized dominance and power, the new models are more abou vision, focus, communication, cognitive flexibility, authenticity, and partnership. The world is becoming too complicated to be effective alone. Forming meaningful, trusting relationships with others who have different skills and knowledge, but similar goals and values is the way to succeed in both small business and large organizations.
--
Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. is a Psychologist in Mill Valley, California, and expert on mindfulness, emotions, stress-management,and leadership, who has published more than 50 scholarly works and conducted numerous workshops and invited talks/symposia. Previously a Professor, she is now a practicing psychologist, speaker, and media consultant. Dr Greenberg provides workshops and speaking engagements for organizations and coaching and therapy for individuals in person and via skype.
Anger Births the Angelic Human by Toni Elizabeth Sar’h
“I’M SO FRUSTRATED. I WISH ‘THEY’ WOULD JUST GET IT!”
“MY HIGHER SELF IS DEMANDING THAT I CHANGE ALL OF THIS.”
“THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS WORLD. WHY CAN’T YOU SEE?”
“IF THEY’D JUST STOP DOING THAT, I’D FINALLY BE ABLE TO GET SOME PEACE.”
“I WANT OUT OF HERE!”
How many times have you heard yourself voicing one of the exclamations above? Maybe, all of them? Well, you can take them as labor pains for the birthing of yourself as the Angelic Human you are.
Anger signals a need for change. That change must be within you. It cannot be change outside of you since it is your energy that is fueling the signal. Anger requests adjustments in your perspective and beliefs. If you choose not to make those shifts, the anger will remain until you do. It is the same as labor pains, remaining until the birth is complete (and caesarian births are not an option for the soul).
Many of you feel that “righteous anger” is justification for your emotional outbursts of outrage. “Righteous” connotes you believe you are “right” and someone else is “wrong”. This is due to living in your contrasting world of duality where there are two sides to everything. One side is neither right nor wrong; it simply is. Your anger regarding what you observe as being “in the wrong” is based solely upon the belief you embrace of “how it should be”. That doesn’t mean the person or situation should be that way.
What this means to you is this: The changes you so desire that it promotes anger or frustration within you are signals of your emerging Angelic Human consciousness. Your awareness is expanding tremendously triggering all of the aspects within you that no longer resonate as you. Your mind, ever on the outlook for its own survival, projects these observations “outside” of you onto other people
or situations.
What can you do about it? Change your belief to change your perception. This, in turn, will alter your interpretation of the observation causing the angry behavior. When you no longer believe that another person or situation “should be” different than it is, you will be less inclined to animosity. Not only does this illuminate your life, it opens the door to being that which you know yourself to be rather than what you think being spiritual might demand of you. This is where you really have an opportunity to remove the mask your ego personality wears and let yourself be seen.
If this creates fear within you, recognize that the energy is neutral with an overcoat of fear due to believing you lack control within a certain situation. You are completely invested in anything you are experiencing, no matter how small a part you believe you play within it. The structures of any situation are emerging from within source as are you so there is no difference between you and what is causing
the anger to arise. This is your signal and the discomfort is the labor pains of birthing yourself anew rather than living as you have existed - more or less unconsciously.
Due to your human desire to control what is occurring, the natural shifts within consciousness that would occur if you would surrender to what is happening become moments of frustration based upon your expectations. These experiences are then “seen” as coming from someone or something separate from you while they are actually emerging within your own consciousness. This is the time to strike! Take action in that moment of recognition when you are saying to yourself, “This really makes me mad,” and look into your inner mirror.
Control of others or various situations mirrors your experience of personally feeling out of control. There is only one being you can regulate and you know who that is; it is yourself. You may decide to change your perception of a person, place or thing or you may decide to fight against it. The simple conclusion remains that the anger displays your desire to change something and the only person or “obstacle” you can shift is yourself.
This is the birthing of yourself as the Angelic Human you know you are capable of being. Each frustration, every moment of anger is your heart and soul’s signpost held high for you to see and take action upon within yourself. Birthing is painful. Breathing with your labor pains, surrendering to the wave of the birthing will result in the delight of recognizing yourself for what you are – Source in form existing in an ever-changing world of diversity and enjoying every moment as an Angelic Human. Your message for the world is vital. Don’t wait any longer! Stomp your feet, stake your claim for yourself and accept the signal of your anger.
We are all supporting the arrival of YOU.
--
Toni Elizabeth Sar’h Petrinovich is a Master Teacher, mystic and quantum physical researcher with a ministerial doctorate in metaphysics. She is the author of The Call – Awakening the Angelic Human, and its accompanying CD, DNA Re-Awakening, You – A Field Guide, Finding an End to Seeking, DeLight of the Orbs and Speaking of Light. Toni teaches metaphysics and the sacred connection within through her Meta yoU classes, guided meditation CDs, DVD production and video presentations. www.youaresacred.com
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Why Won’t You Remember? by Toni Elizabeth Sar’h
I want to tell you a story. It is a tale of a little girl whose father left earth when she was 5 years old. That little girl is me.
One of the basics that my partner, Philip, and I have created within our relationship is putting everything on the table. This allows us to see each other through the lens of what each of us truly is rather than what we might want the other person to believe we are to the relationship. From the get-go, I told Philip that my father died when I was 5 years old, I didn’t get to say “good-bye”, my mother did not allow a mourning period for her children and that this experience lives within my
Part of the outcome of this childhood occurrence is my desire to make sure I say a real “good-bye” to the people I love when leaving them for a period of time or hanging up on the telephone. So, Philip and I have devised a real “good-bye” moment each time he goes off on a job since I am working in home office. It is not dramatic and we don’t make a big deal of it. It is simply a moment of departing
The toni inner voice said, “No, no, he can’t leave. He didn’t say good-bye. Somebody stop him.” She had tears in her eyes and felt very alone. This was an actual physical experience felt within this body.
I recorded the soul reading and was about to begin a second recorded reading when I saw Philip’s car drive into the driveway. I went out to meet him and told him what I had experienced when he left without saying “good-bye”.
We talked about what I had experienced and how many different meanings it contained, what available outcomes there were to the situation and, giving each other a real big hug, had a great laugh over the multi-dimensionality of being in so many places at once.
So: Did I have the experience of watching Philip drive away so that I could tell the group my story and that one person could change his relationship? How many other people were affected who have not yet come back to tell me? How much closer are Philip and I now because of what we lived through together? Is there someone reading this article right now who is going to change something in their
I could go on and on yet I believe you get it. You won’t re-member all you are, what you are and how to live that consciously until you fully welcome every single piece of you however your show up. It is really very simply. Want to remember what you are? Then, re-member all of you right now.
One of the basics that my partner, Philip, and I have created within our relationship is putting everything on the table. This allows us to see each other through the lens of what each of us truly is rather than what we might want the other person to believe we are to the relationship. From the get-go, I told Philip that my father died when I was 5 years old, I didn’t get to say “good-bye”, my mother did not allow a mourning period for her children and that this experience lives within my
cellular memory.
Part of the outcome of this childhood occurrence is my desire to make sure I say a real “good-bye” to the people I love when leaving them for a period of time or hanging up on the telephone. So, Philip and I have devised a real “good-bye” moment each time he goes off on a job since I am working in home office. It is not dramatic and we don’t make a big deal of it. It is simply a moment of departing
when we take the time to say “good-bye” to each other with a hug and a kiss.
Last week we had an experience within this aspect of our relationship. Philip told me he was loading up the car to go to a job (land maintenance) and I said I was getting ready to do a reading. At first glance, this would be the normal conversation we would have before we “leave” each other’s company. He went outside and I went into my office to prepare to record a soul reading.
As I was looking out the window shifting vibrations for a reading, I saw his car drive out of the driveway. At first I didn’t believe that was what I was seeing because he hadn’t said “good-bye”. Then I slipped into the awareness of being 5 years old and I literally felt the rush of adrenaline flow through my body as panic overtook me. I stood up and began to run out of the house to chase him down even though by now he was far down the street.
I experienced myself split into several parts: 1) I will call this one toni with a lower case “t” to differentiate her from my usual Toni-ness. She is the 5 year old; 2) Toni is the observer who knows what is going on and is watching the experience, and 3) a multi-dimensional overlay of both and much more that was accessing a larger picture of the entire process.
The toni inner voice said, “No, no, he can’t leave. He didn’t say good-bye. Somebody stop him.” She had tears in her eyes and felt very alone. This was an actual physical experience felt within this body.
Toni thought, “It’s no good to go after him. I won’t catch up with him even in the car because I don’t know exactly where the job is so I can’t follow him. I am sure he thought I was already doing my reading otherwise he would have said “goodbye”. He is very considerate and would not simply drive off. Sit down and breathe.”
The overlay was experiencing breathing into the entire experience, simply letting it be, giving a bit of a chuckle and wondering, “Where is this going to go? There are so many different outcomes available. Shall I choose one? No, I will simply let it all unfold and see how it goes moment to moment.”
I recorded the soul reading and was about to begin a second recorded reading when I saw Philip’s car drive into the driveway. I went out to meet him and told him what I had experienced when he left without saying “good-bye”.
Philip told me that he had come into the house to do just that when he heard a voice coming from the office and believed I was already doing my reading so he left rather than disturb me. I told him that what he had heard was my voicemail which I get as audio voicemail on my computer. I was listening to a message from someone who had called me on the phone and who had left a message.
We talked about what I had experienced and how many different meanings it contained, what available outcomes there were to the situation and, giving each other a real big hug, had a great laugh over the multi-dimensionality of being in so many places at once.
Later in the week, I was relating the story to a group of people. Each person had a different meaning for the story. Some believed I was living in separation because I thought that Philip and I were separate when he left the driveway. Another person felt great concern that I had not experienced the grief I was due from the death of my father. Still another felt that perhaps we were making too much of a mountain out of a mole hill about aspects of our relationship. And on it goes.
Now, here is how I see it: Every experience we have in our physical body remains within the cellular structure of our body for the length of our lives. Even if we decide to “process” something to feel clearer about it, the living of it is etched into our soul record and therefore in the present physical body. It is the idea that we should not be having these experiences or that we need to process them away
that is the detrimental factor to living and re-membering fully. So long as you believe that you need to push something away, change it into something else, pretend that it is not there or castigate yourself in any way for the physical experiences you are having, to that degree will you not know what you are. You are a complete culmination of all of your experiences (in this dimension and also within your complete soul record). Deny one and you deny all.
At the same time, one of the multi-dimensional observations of which I am very aware was exemplified by what one of the people in that group did come back and tell me. He said that after going home and thinking about what I had told them he realized how unavailable he was in his own relationship and changed that with his girlfriend – then and there.
So: Did I have the experience of watching Philip drive away so that I could tell the group my story and that one person could change his relationship? How many other people were affected who have not yet come back to tell me? How much closer are Philip and I now because of what we lived through together? Is there someone reading this article right now who is going to change something in their
life because of my telling the story?
I could go on and on yet I believe you get it. You won’t re-member all you are, what you are and how to live that consciously until you fully welcome every single piece of you however your show up. It is really very simply. Want to remember what you are? Then, re-member all of you right now.
--
Toni Elizabeth Sar’h Petrinovich is a Master Teacher, mystic and quantum physical researcher with a ministerial doctorate in metaphysics. She is the author of The Call – Awakening the Angelic Human, and its accompanying CD, DNA Re-Awakening, You – A Field Guide, Finding an End to Seeking, DeLight of the Orbs and Speaking of Light. Toni teaches metaphysics and the sacred connection within through her Meta yoU classes, guided meditation CDs, DVD production and video presentations. www.youaresacred.com
Monday, April 9, 2012
"How to Become Your Own Loving Parent" -ACA, ACOA, ACODF.
At Adult Children Of Alcoholics meetings and in ACA books we learn that we need to become out own loving parents. The ACA Solution states:
"We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect."
and
"You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting."
But beyond these lofty goals there is not a lot of explanation of the mechanics of how this is supposed to happen. Just how does one become a loving, nurturing parent to themselves when they haven't experienced this in real life? One cannot give what they do not possess. Or, as Drs. Cloud and Townsend have said, it's a bit like expecting a car with an empty gas tank to fill itself up.
And what if your internal parent is judgmental and harsh? Or exacting, intolerant and perfectionistic? Then you may be just replicating the past and reinforcing your own dysfunction. It's not enough to just come out of denial and face the pain of the past. That only goes so far. That pain needs to be comforted, that hurt child needs to be loved. This is perhaps the most important part of the process.
Here is an insight into the exercise of discovering your inner child AND becoming your own NURTURING parent:
"First, one becomes conscious of his or her own inner child. Remaining unconscious is what empowers the dissociated inner child to take possession of the personality at times, to overpower the will of the adult. Next, we learn to take our inner child seriously, and to consciously communicate with that little girl or boy within: to listen to how he or she feels and what he or she needs from us here and now.
The often frustrated primal needs of that perennial inner child–for love, acceptance, protection, nurturance, understanding–remain the same today as when we were children. As pseudo-adults, we futilely attempt to force others into fulfilling these infantile needs for us. But this is doomed to failure. What we didn’t sufficiently receive in the past from our parents as children must be confronted in the present, painful though it may be.
We should not as adults now expect others to meet all of these unfulfilled childhood needs. They cannot. Authentic adulthood requires both accepting the painful past and the primary responsibility for taking care of that inner child’s needs, for being a “good enough” parent to him or her now–and in the future."- Psychology Today, Stephen Diamond, Ph.D., practicing psychotherapist.
I believe that becoming your own parent is a big step with a large learning curve for those that did not get it when they were young. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Go slow. In trying moments, ask your child what they need from you most. Is it a hug? An understanding tone and reassurance that it's going to be alright? Or simply to be recognized that they are present?
If you feel resistance to acting on the last four sentences above, ask yourself why. Is that your "judgmental" parent rearing it's ugly head, ready to scold you for having such foolish thoughts? Use this reaction not as a reason to further beat yourself up but simply to gauge how nurturing you are being to your own self right now.
Then ask your inner child how he or she feels and what they need from you here and now. Take a small step and be just a tad more nurturing to yourself than usual. And keep doing it consistently, especially during difficult situations when your inner kid needs you the most.
The more your inner child can trust you to be there for them, the more they will come out of the shadows to play and be free!
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Original post here: http://adultchildrenaca.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-to-become-your-own-loving-parent.html
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Original post here: http://adultchildrenaca.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-to-become-your-own-loving-parent.html
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Dying to Live, by Lynne Forrest.
It is our struggle against death that renders us invulnerable to life, and love. Death is not the enemy. Death teaches us the art of surrender, which is the essential energy that opens us to receive the abundance awaiting our opening. Death is our teacher, our advisor, our friend.
But we treat death as the enemy. I love the story that Bagwan Shree Rajneesh shared in his book, ”The Art of Dying; “When Rabbi Birnham lay dying, his wire burst into tears. He said, “What are you crying? My whole life was only that I might learn to die.”
Describing death as a friendly force goes against the grain of our cultural conditioning. We have been taught to see death as what we fight against, run from, win over, or somehow prevent, or at least forestall, even when doing so prolongs suffering. We think of death as the opposite of life and therefore it is seen as bad or wrong; as something unnatural, ugly, but most of all, terrifying. Some “new age” thinkers even promote the idea that death is some kind of personal failure, especially if it occurs through accident or terminal illness. For these thinkers, to get sick, or die suddenly indicates that you are guilty of self hatred or low evolutionary consciousness. Death is thought of as a punishment or a crime, something to be railed against and fought tooth and nail.
We constrict around death because we have no control over it. It is that inevitable and scary entrance into the great unknown which we both dread and fear. Unconscious fear of death is behind every neurosis, every demand or attachment that we have. Whether it’s the fear of abandonment, rejection or danger of any kind; all can be traced back to the root fear of all; death. It rules us, though most of us don’t even know it. For the first half of life, we as humans tend to live as if death is something that only happens “out there”; to other people, but “not me”. As young people, we believe in our own personal immortality, often taking foolish risks that push the limits. We “live on the edge” and treat our bodies as indestructible forces that will last forever. Then somewhere around mid-life, it changes. All of a sudden we are conscious of time “running out”. Our bodies begin to show signs of wear, and fear takes over. From that point forward, we are in a race against the undefeatable opponent, death. We know who will win in the end, but we still secretly hope that somehow we will manage to get out of here alive; that “we shall overcome”.
Many turn to religious promises of “eternal life”, for consolation, which for some means that the body will live on, or at least be returned to them after Judgment Day. In this way, religion becomes an antidote or prescription for death; the only “cure” for the otherwise inescapable. Here we begin to see the big part that the fear of death plays in religion. Too often, rather than emphasizing right relationship with our Creator, religious doctrines instead play on people’s fear of death and then promise their doctrine as being the only guarantee against it. This is what sells. If you believe and do what the church prescribes, then you will have eternal life in heaven, versus eternal death and damnation. Raised with such ideas, we learn to connect death with the devil. No wonder we are so terrified! We are indoctrinated to think of death as the domain of all that is evil and against life
As a result, mass consciousness is not as interested in authentic and harmonious relationship with their Creator, as they are with trying to buy a favorable bargain against the Grim Reaper. I wonder how many of the religiously pious are so because they are afraid of eternal damnation rather than from a true love of God. Rather than serving out of an intense inner desire or longing to know God, these “good Christians” are motivated instead by guilt and fear. It doesn’t take a genius to see that the fear of death can be a powerful motivator, used for centuries by the church to swell their ranks. The use of such fear, as a way to enforce the church’s moral code and bring people under subjugation is an age-old ploy.
There are cultures, however that teach a different approach to death. They see death as being a natural part of the life cycle, as is birth. They understand that something always has to die before there can be a birth of any kind. Birth and death are recognized as intricate aspects of life. Without death there cannot be life. There has to be some kind of relinquishment, or clearing away, before any new thing can come into being. Something has to be surrendered. Surrender is synonymous with dying.
Death and birth are so closely linked that dying is even an intrinsic part of the biological birth process. Consciousness research initiated by scientists such as Stanislav Grof,(“Adventures of Self-Discovery”) have found that the fetus actually goes through a death phase when being born. Grof has determined four stages, or matrices, of the birth process. The second birth matrix occurs when the contractions of the mother are forcefully closing down on the fetus, but the cervix has not yet dilated enough to allow escape. In those moments, sometimes hours, the fetus faces its’ own demise. There is no way out. It is being hammered with relentless fury by the very same walls which, up to then, had provided a safe-haven. From that universal experience, we all have encoded death as a force to be reckoned with over and over again. Even those who were deli6ered C-section, thus avoiding the struggle through the birth canal, have been found to carry the genetic code for all four stages. The death/birth cycle is part of our very DNA! Rather than overcome death, our challenge becomes to learn how to surrender with grace. Warriors of the Yaqui Tribe in Mexico, as described by Carlos Casteneda in his writings, develop an intimate relationship with death.
A Yaqui warrior learns to enter fully into life by staying ever alert to the possibility of his own demise. Not with morbid preoccupation, or with constant backward glances caused by anxiety-induced hyper-vigilance, but instead with a steadiness of purpose that comes from living every moment as if it were his last. Here there is a resolve; a calm acceptance that comes from having learned to view Death as a friend or advisor, as an “ally”. In this way ones every action is performed with what Don Juan(the old Sorcerer from Casteneda’s books) calls “impeccability”. From the understanding that life offers no guarantees; that this could well be one’s final moment, every act becomes infused with consciousness. If we were to allow ourselves the awareness, as Don Juan said, that death stands, ever present and ready to claim us, there would be little, if any, thoughtless words, or action. What an awesome way to live! Can you imagine how much less regret there might be if we all gave this kind of attention to our lives?
Socrates was known to remind those around him that one should always be “occupied in the practice of dying”. There is no way to fully live until we know how to die. This is true because death is about release. Life is made up of a series of contractions and expansions; of holding on and letting go. Our very breath demonstrates the birth/death cycle. Each in-breath is a “fill-up” and every out-breath an “emptying” of “prana” (spirit or life).
We fight death because we are afraid. We want things to stay the same so that we can feel safe and secure. But that goes against the very nature of being. Things that are alive move and change, die to the old and become something new repetitively. When something stops changing, it stagnates and inevitably dies. Change is the death/birth process.
I recently had a dream that illustrates this resistance/surrender paradox. In it I seemed to be standing in a pool of water watching a hand gently shove an infant under water and hold it there. At first, in the dream, I was distraught because I thought the child was being drowned, but then I noticed that the infant’s expression was one of relaxed contentment. There was no sign of struggle on its’ face. The hand would hold the child under and then release it at that critical moment when breath was needed. Later, I realized that the child in me was being encouraged to trust and surrender (die) to the “hand” (of God).
Whenever we resist, we are simply refusing to die into our next re-birth. Our challenge is to learn how to give up the struggle for control, to stop thrashing around in an effort to hold on, and instead surrender into the paradoxical death of birthing with grace. In this way, we learn to exhale life as fully as we inhale it. We learn to go with the grasp/release flow of life rather than “hold our breath” by hanging onto circumstances, or relationships that may need to be surrendered. We come to understand that being fully alive involves perpetual movement and change, which means the willingness to die to that which no longer serves us.
I have a fantasy, strengthened by the practice of many necessary surrenders, that our final moments of life might actually be very like orgasm. Sexual release may be the closest we get to an experience of actual physical death. Like death, orgasm requires a full surrender into the moment if we are to have the experience of liberation it offers. It’s a feeling of delicious freedom for which we all long. This, I imagine, is what death must feel like; a free-at-last kind of ecstasy from all the constraints and bondages that go along with being trapped in a human body.
Even as I write this article, believing in the words said here with full force, I find myself up against the challenge of yet another series of necessary “let go’s” in my life. I notice my resistance, as I hold on tenaciously to what’s known and familiar, not wanting to “die” to it, even though I know it’s time. The human tendency to struggle against death is a natural one, even when we acknowledge it as a necessary and useful part of life. Perhaps the best we can do is remind ourselves of the ebb and flow of life so that we can perhaps release a little sooner, with a bit more grace than we might otherwise have done.
How do we surrender? By saying good-bye and grieving our losses. Grief is the energy of let go. One of the ways we refuse to face death in our everyday lives is through avoiding closure of any kind. It is a common practice to leave relationships, jobs or towns where we have lived without closure. We simply move on to what’s next without acknowledging that we’re leaving something behind. This is a life-sapping practice, especially when we do it with a relationship that has ended painfully. Even though we (or they) may walk away, some part of us remains plugged in to what was left behind. We have not really let it go. Although we may push it to the back of our minds, we continue to carry it around with us, where it stays in the back of our minds in a putrefied state.
A client Josh, exclaimed to his support group; “I’m lousy at saying good-bye to anything! I leave friends and situations behind, often without ever mentioning that I’m leaving, simply because I hate farewells. Then I feel forever guilty about it, which keeps me from re-connecting with old friends or being able to go back to visit places from my past. If I happen to run into someone from back then, I’ll even try to avoid their seeing me, because I’m so sure they have hard feelings about the way I left!” Josh soon learned he was not the only one who dealt with goodbyes in that way. Most everyone in the group was able to relate a similar tendency. “I wonder, I mused to the group, “if the reason we have such difficulty with good-byes is because they are a form of death, which is seen as bad or unacceptable in our world. Therefore we refuse to properly bury that which needs to be relinquished and instead, latch on quickly to the next thing that comes along.”
This sets us up to walk around burdened down with useless, excess baggage, hanging heavy, like the proverbial albatross around ones neck. Like the parents of the child whose puppy dies, and who then quickly get her a new one so she won’t suffer the loss, we too move rapidly away from the carnage of our past. However this doesn’t work quite as well as we like to think. We may find ourselves involved in a new relationship to replace the last one, only to find that we end up projecting our unresolved “stuff” onto the new partner or situation. For without giving ourselves a “season of grief” for that which has passed, we cannot truly invest in what’s to come.
Don’s wife of twenty-two years, left him, taking with her their children and most of their material and financial assets through a vindictive and messy divorce. He was left feeling bitter, betrayed and distrustful. When I met him, some two years after their break-up, he could not talk about a subject, no matter it’s content, without steering the conversation back to the anger and betrayal he felt. He would rail on about his ex, and women in general. Even though he had recently met a good woman who obviously cared for him and to whom he was much attracted, he found himself constantly reacting towards her as if she were his ex. He would interpret things his new partner said and did with suspicion. Of course, his tendency to put his ex-wife’s face on his present partner led to feelings of hurt and anger on her part. She would react with indignity and insult, which only served to validate Don’s feeling that no woman could be trusted. He was fast recreating his previous relationship misery simply because he had not let go. He was still carrying the baggage of his past to the point that it was destroying any new possibility. Don’s challenge was to allow to surface the feelings of hurt and loss that he had buried under his perpetual rage towards his ex. His unacknowledged grief was like a poison contaminating any opportunity for positive relationship.
Don’s situation is more common than we might think. Many of us are at this very moment carrying around unacknowledged remnants of loss that deplete our vital life force, causing depression, lack of motivation, and heaviness. It is as though we are carrying a corpse through life, which indeed we are. Though not literally, we, nonetheless carry the unburied contents of all our failed, or refused good-byes.
Karen complained of a malaise that assailed her days, making it difficult to even get out of bed most mornings. She cried easily, and blamed herself continuously for what she saw as being a failure at life. Her father had died when she was nineteen, some six years previously. Towards the end of his illness, he had encouraged her, as his oldest daughter, to “stay strong for your mother and younger sisters”. Karen had interpreted this as a prohibition to grieve. She obeyed her fathers dying request, maintaining an upbeat facade for the sake of her grieving family. The price she paid was tremendous. Although it wasn’t until she sought counseling that she realized the cost to her, not only of refusing her need to grieve the loss of her father, but of the many other unresolved burdens she carried.
Gil shared a story from his childhood about the loss of his family’s crystal wine glasses. At age seven, he related, he was already very aware of classmates of “higher standing”. Their family’s ran the mill where Gil’s father was employed, and he wanted nothing more than to fit in. His family owned a set of crystal goblets which his mother kept in a special cabinet. In his mind, they were the one thing that lifted his family to the status of his more affluent peers, showing that his family, too had class. And so, it devastated Gil when his little sister accidentally overturned the cabinet upon herself, breaking the goblets to smithereens. It wasn’t his sister’s well-being he was concerned about, but the loss of his own identity which got smashed along with the goblets on that never-to-be-forgotten day. Many times we entangle our sense of worth and identity with our possessions, little realizing the cost. Often it is only in letting go of those very things that we are able to find liberation. Sometimes, when we don’t let go willingly, the Universe will step in and take it away from us.
We rationalize and justify why we should stay, when, in fact, it may have been time to let-go long ago. “I need to work it through”, we tell ourselves, or; “I may need it again someday”. We want to pass it on to our children or have something to show for the struggles we’ve endured, we say. Not that these arguments for staying are without merit. Sometimes it’s not right action to let go. We can suffer as much from the opposite tendency; of prematurely letting-go, as well as hang on too long. It’s a matter of balance… that of determining when it is time to hold on versus time to let go. And we must weigh our rationale for holding on against the cost of doing so. If hanging on is keeping me from saying good-bye to something that is long dead, then it may not be worth it, whether that be a relationship or extraneous paraphernalia.
In my youth, I had a six month encounter with a man who called himself a medicine man. I was young and gullible and he was magnetic and powerful. I was irresistibly attracted to his way of life so I became his “apprentice”. He taught a lot about the danger of attachment, not only to things but to our personal history; our identity, as well as to others, family included. His words made sense to me. I was living in a small apartment in Northern California at the time, and, under his tutelage, I went through a ritual of putting all of my personal belongings on the curb for any who might find and want them. I gave away all but the bare essentials for living. I then destroyed personal memorabilia, like my pictures and papers, anything that connected me to a past, including social security papers, my birth certificate, etc. I took on a new name given to me by him, and practiced the art of speaking only of the present, carefully refusing to speak of who or where I had been before. In other words, I took myself through a voluntary surrender of worldly attachments.
I began to travel, hitching a ride from town to town, totally dependent upon the “gifts of Spirit” that were offered along the way. And they were plentiful. Inevitably what I needed was provided, whether it was a meal, a place to sleep, to bathe or simply rest. The lessons I received were many, but specifically I learned the value of release. While it’s certainly not something I recommend doing today, I do not regret the opportunity it gave me to experience life without attachment. In the words of Janis Joplin; “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”. It is indeed so, for once you have known the liberty that surrender grants, clinging to anything loses it’s appeal.
Learning to relinquish with grace, when necessary, is important if we are to have fulfilled lives. We cannot fully experience this vital moment, if we are bogged down with the trappings from our past. Dying is an art we must practice if we are to live well. We learn to see it as liberating, as well as necessary. We must train our attitude to recognize death, not as the end, but always as the preparation for what’s to come. The Bhagwan Rajneesh said,
“You cannot live if you stop dying…. Life exists because of death … it is in fact a process of renewal. We think that life is good and death is bad. We think that life has to be desired and death is to be avoided. We think that somehow we have to protect ourselves against death. This absurd idea creates endless miseries in our lives, because a person who protects himself against death becomes incapable of living. He is the person who is afraid of exhaling, then he cannot inhale and he is stuck. The he simply drags, his life is no longer a flow, his life is no longer a river.” (“The Art of Dying”; pg 5; Bhagwan Rajneesh)
This sums it up. With awareness, such as this foremost in our hearts and minds, death can bring eager anticipation for the new, that which is yet unborn in us.
Whenever we feel stuck, complaining that we feel bogged down, unable to move forward, then it is time to ask; “What haven‘t I surrendered?” “What needs closure or relinquishment?” Practice building a relationship with death as advisor by imagining yourself in your final hours of life. Lying on your death bed, in your mind’s eye, allow yourself to reflect on your personal affairs and ask yourself questions, such as; “What are my regrets?” “What would I do differently?” “What important relationships are troubled or unresolved?” “What is my unfinished business?” “What can I do about this right now?” These questions can help us identify areas of our life that need immediate attention and clearing.
Through practices such as these, we learn to recognize the continual life process; that of dying to each past moment so as to be born again and again into the future. We started out with a quote about the Rabbi who had lived only so that he might know how to die. Perhaps it is equally as important that we each learn how to die in order to live. May it be so.
But we treat death as the enemy. I love the story that Bagwan Shree Rajneesh shared in his book, ”The Art of Dying; “When Rabbi Birnham lay dying, his wire burst into tears. He said, “What are you crying? My whole life was only that I might learn to die.”
Describing death as a friendly force goes against the grain of our cultural conditioning. We have been taught to see death as what we fight against, run from, win over, or somehow prevent, or at least forestall, even when doing so prolongs suffering. We think of death as the opposite of life and therefore it is seen as bad or wrong; as something unnatural, ugly, but most of all, terrifying. Some “new age” thinkers even promote the idea that death is some kind of personal failure, especially if it occurs through accident or terminal illness. For these thinkers, to get sick, or die suddenly indicates that you are guilty of self hatred or low evolutionary consciousness. Death is thought of as a punishment or a crime, something to be railed against and fought tooth and nail.
We constrict around death because we have no control over it. It is that inevitable and scary entrance into the great unknown which we both dread and fear. Unconscious fear of death is behind every neurosis, every demand or attachment that we have. Whether it’s the fear of abandonment, rejection or danger of any kind; all can be traced back to the root fear of all; death. It rules us, though most of us don’t even know it. For the first half of life, we as humans tend to live as if death is something that only happens “out there”; to other people, but “not me”. As young people, we believe in our own personal immortality, often taking foolish risks that push the limits. We “live on the edge” and treat our bodies as indestructible forces that will last forever. Then somewhere around mid-life, it changes. All of a sudden we are conscious of time “running out”. Our bodies begin to show signs of wear, and fear takes over. From that point forward, we are in a race against the undefeatable opponent, death. We know who will win in the end, but we still secretly hope that somehow we will manage to get out of here alive; that “we shall overcome”.
Many turn to religious promises of “eternal life”, for consolation, which for some means that the body will live on, or at least be returned to them after Judgment Day. In this way, religion becomes an antidote or prescription for death; the only “cure” for the otherwise inescapable. Here we begin to see the big part that the fear of death plays in religion. Too often, rather than emphasizing right relationship with our Creator, religious doctrines instead play on people’s fear of death and then promise their doctrine as being the only guarantee against it. This is what sells. If you believe and do what the church prescribes, then you will have eternal life in heaven, versus eternal death and damnation. Raised with such ideas, we learn to connect death with the devil. No wonder we are so terrified! We are indoctrinated to think of death as the domain of all that is evil and against life
As a result, mass consciousness is not as interested in authentic and harmonious relationship with their Creator, as they are with trying to buy a favorable bargain against the Grim Reaper. I wonder how many of the religiously pious are so because they are afraid of eternal damnation rather than from a true love of God. Rather than serving out of an intense inner desire or longing to know God, these “good Christians” are motivated instead by guilt and fear. It doesn’t take a genius to see that the fear of death can be a powerful motivator, used for centuries by the church to swell their ranks. The use of such fear, as a way to enforce the church’s moral code and bring people under subjugation is an age-old ploy.
There are cultures, however that teach a different approach to death. They see death as being a natural part of the life cycle, as is birth. They understand that something always has to die before there can be a birth of any kind. Birth and death are recognized as intricate aspects of life. Without death there cannot be life. There has to be some kind of relinquishment, or clearing away, before any new thing can come into being. Something has to be surrendered. Surrender is synonymous with dying.
Death and birth are so closely linked that dying is even an intrinsic part of the biological birth process. Consciousness research initiated by scientists such as Stanislav Grof,(“Adventures of Self-Discovery”) have found that the fetus actually goes through a death phase when being born. Grof has determined four stages, or matrices, of the birth process. The second birth matrix occurs when the contractions of the mother are forcefully closing down on the fetus, but the cervix has not yet dilated enough to allow escape. In those moments, sometimes hours, the fetus faces its’ own demise. There is no way out. It is being hammered with relentless fury by the very same walls which, up to then, had provided a safe-haven. From that universal experience, we all have encoded death as a force to be reckoned with over and over again. Even those who were deli6ered C-section, thus avoiding the struggle through the birth canal, have been found to carry the genetic code for all four stages. The death/birth cycle is part of our very DNA! Rather than overcome death, our challenge becomes to learn how to surrender with grace. Warriors of the Yaqui Tribe in Mexico, as described by Carlos Casteneda in his writings, develop an intimate relationship with death.
A Yaqui warrior learns to enter fully into life by staying ever alert to the possibility of his own demise. Not with morbid preoccupation, or with constant backward glances caused by anxiety-induced hyper-vigilance, but instead with a steadiness of purpose that comes from living every moment as if it were his last. Here there is a resolve; a calm acceptance that comes from having learned to view Death as a friend or advisor, as an “ally”. In this way ones every action is performed with what Don Juan(the old Sorcerer from Casteneda’s books) calls “impeccability”. From the understanding that life offers no guarantees; that this could well be one’s final moment, every act becomes infused with consciousness. If we were to allow ourselves the awareness, as Don Juan said, that death stands, ever present and ready to claim us, there would be little, if any, thoughtless words, or action. What an awesome way to live! Can you imagine how much less regret there might be if we all gave this kind of attention to our lives?
Socrates was known to remind those around him that one should always be “occupied in the practice of dying”. There is no way to fully live until we know how to die. This is true because death is about release. Life is made up of a series of contractions and expansions; of holding on and letting go. Our very breath demonstrates the birth/death cycle. Each in-breath is a “fill-up” and every out-breath an “emptying” of “prana” (spirit or life).
We fight death because we are afraid. We want things to stay the same so that we can feel safe and secure. But that goes against the very nature of being. Things that are alive move and change, die to the old and become something new repetitively. When something stops changing, it stagnates and inevitably dies. Change is the death/birth process.
I recently had a dream that illustrates this resistance/surrender paradox. In it I seemed to be standing in a pool of water watching a hand gently shove an infant under water and hold it there. At first, in the dream, I was distraught because I thought the child was being drowned, but then I noticed that the infant’s expression was one of relaxed contentment. There was no sign of struggle on its’ face. The hand would hold the child under and then release it at that critical moment when breath was needed. Later, I realized that the child in me was being encouraged to trust and surrender (die) to the “hand” (of God).
Whenever we resist, we are simply refusing to die into our next re-birth. Our challenge is to learn how to give up the struggle for control, to stop thrashing around in an effort to hold on, and instead surrender into the paradoxical death of birthing with grace. In this way, we learn to exhale life as fully as we inhale it. We learn to go with the grasp/release flow of life rather than “hold our breath” by hanging onto circumstances, or relationships that may need to be surrendered. We come to understand that being fully alive involves perpetual movement and change, which means the willingness to die to that which no longer serves us.
There will come a time when even our physical shell, to which we are so attached, must be relinquished. The mystics remind us that it is possible to drop the body like an old shoe. Then, at the designated time, we welcome death as the Great Liberator, rather than seeing it as the enemy. Death, then becomes an eagerly awaited friend, who comes to alleviate us from our earthly trials and burdens. Stephen Levine, author of “A Year To Live”, reminds us that no-one, in their right mind, would really want to give up death as an option. It is our “ticket” out when life has become too limiting, too filled with suffering. Then death becomes the much anticipated “relief bringer”.
I have a fantasy, strengthened by the practice of many necessary surrenders, that our final moments of life might actually be very like orgasm. Sexual release may be the closest we get to an experience of actual physical death. Like death, orgasm requires a full surrender into the moment if we are to have the experience of liberation it offers. It’s a feeling of delicious freedom for which we all long. This, I imagine, is what death must feel like; a free-at-last kind of ecstasy from all the constraints and bondages that go along with being trapped in a human body.
Even as I write this article, believing in the words said here with full force, I find myself up against the challenge of yet another series of necessary “let go’s” in my life. I notice my resistance, as I hold on tenaciously to what’s known and familiar, not wanting to “die” to it, even though I know it’s time. The human tendency to struggle against death is a natural one, even when we acknowledge it as a necessary and useful part of life. Perhaps the best we can do is remind ourselves of the ebb and flow of life so that we can perhaps release a little sooner, with a bit more grace than we might otherwise have done.
Death is a powerful force. It can be forestalled perhaps, but it cannot be overcome. It is not the enemy. Death is a teacher and a way-maker. It teaches surrender and prepares the way for what‘s to come. By practicing the acceptance of death as a natural part of life, we gain liberation and re-birth. It can teach us how to “be here now”, in this moment, “one day at a time”. As a result, our lives will become more full, abundant and productive. Yes, contradictory as it may seem, death can actually become for us a very good and true ally.
How do we surrender? By saying good-bye and grieving our losses. Grief is the energy of let go. One of the ways we refuse to face death in our everyday lives is through avoiding closure of any kind. It is a common practice to leave relationships, jobs or towns where we have lived without closure. We simply move on to what’s next without acknowledging that we’re leaving something behind. This is a life-sapping practice, especially when we do it with a relationship that has ended painfully. Even though we (or they) may walk away, some part of us remains plugged in to what was left behind. We have not really let it go. Although we may push it to the back of our minds, we continue to carry it around with us, where it stays in the back of our minds in a putrefied state.
A client Josh, exclaimed to his support group; “I’m lousy at saying good-bye to anything! I leave friends and situations behind, often without ever mentioning that I’m leaving, simply because I hate farewells. Then I feel forever guilty about it, which keeps me from re-connecting with old friends or being able to go back to visit places from my past. If I happen to run into someone from back then, I’ll even try to avoid their seeing me, because I’m so sure they have hard feelings about the way I left!” Josh soon learned he was not the only one who dealt with goodbyes in that way. Most everyone in the group was able to relate a similar tendency. “I wonder, I mused to the group, “if the reason we have such difficulty with good-byes is because they are a form of death, which is seen as bad or unacceptable in our world. Therefore we refuse to properly bury that which needs to be relinquished and instead, latch on quickly to the next thing that comes along.”
This sets us up to walk around burdened down with useless, excess baggage, hanging heavy, like the proverbial albatross around ones neck. Like the parents of the child whose puppy dies, and who then quickly get her a new one so she won’t suffer the loss, we too move rapidly away from the carnage of our past. However this doesn’t work quite as well as we like to think. We may find ourselves involved in a new relationship to replace the last one, only to find that we end up projecting our unresolved “stuff” onto the new partner or situation. For without giving ourselves a “season of grief” for that which has passed, we cannot truly invest in what’s to come.
Don’s wife of twenty-two years, left him, taking with her their children and most of their material and financial assets through a vindictive and messy divorce. He was left feeling bitter, betrayed and distrustful. When I met him, some two years after their break-up, he could not talk about a subject, no matter it’s content, without steering the conversation back to the anger and betrayal he felt. He would rail on about his ex, and women in general. Even though he had recently met a good woman who obviously cared for him and to whom he was much attracted, he found himself constantly reacting towards her as if she were his ex. He would interpret things his new partner said and did with suspicion. Of course, his tendency to put his ex-wife’s face on his present partner led to feelings of hurt and anger on her part. She would react with indignity and insult, which only served to validate Don’s feeling that no woman could be trusted. He was fast recreating his previous relationship misery simply because he had not let go. He was still carrying the baggage of his past to the point that it was destroying any new possibility. Don’s challenge was to allow to surface the feelings of hurt and loss that he had buried under his perpetual rage towards his ex. His unacknowledged grief was like a poison contaminating any opportunity for positive relationship.
Don’s situation is more common than we might think. Many of us are at this very moment carrying around unacknowledged remnants of loss that deplete our vital life force, causing depression, lack of motivation, and heaviness. It is as though we are carrying a corpse through life, which indeed we are. Though not literally, we, nonetheless carry the unburied contents of all our failed, or refused good-byes.
Karen complained of a malaise that assailed her days, making it difficult to even get out of bed most mornings. She cried easily, and blamed herself continuously for what she saw as being a failure at life. Her father had died when she was nineteen, some six years previously. Towards the end of his illness, he had encouraged her, as his oldest daughter, to “stay strong for your mother and younger sisters”. Karen had interpreted this as a prohibition to grieve. She obeyed her fathers dying request, maintaining an upbeat facade for the sake of her grieving family. The price she paid was tremendous. Although it wasn’t until she sought counseling that she realized the cost to her, not only of refusing her need to grieve the loss of her father, but of the many other unresolved burdens she carried.
It came to light, through her sessions, that she had never been one to let go of things. “I have a rented storage shed full of memorabilia from people and places in my life that I am afraid to let go of”, she confided. She realized, through personal exploration, that one of the reasons she held onto literal “scraps of paper, movie stubs, and gas receipts” was because they served as reminders to herself of who she was. “If I throw these things away, I won’t have verification of where I’ve been. No-one will know who I am!” She could not release her past, as unhappy as it may have been, because it established her identity. Without that she might not exist. Yet the need to drag it around with her was depleting her life force, leaving her numb, depressed and without the motivation needed to create a positive future.
Gil shared a story from his childhood about the loss of his family’s crystal wine glasses. At age seven, he related, he was already very aware of classmates of “higher standing”. Their family’s ran the mill where Gil’s father was employed, and he wanted nothing more than to fit in. His family owned a set of crystal goblets which his mother kept in a special cabinet. In his mind, they were the one thing that lifted his family to the status of his more affluent peers, showing that his family, too had class. And so, it devastated Gil when his little sister accidentally overturned the cabinet upon herself, breaking the goblets to smithereens. It wasn’t his sister’s well-being he was concerned about, but the loss of his own identity which got smashed along with the goblets on that never-to-be-forgotten day. Many times we entangle our sense of worth and identity with our possessions, little realizing the cost. Often it is only in letting go of those very things that we are able to find liberation. Sometimes, when we don’t let go willingly, the Universe will step in and take it away from us.
We rationalize and justify why we should stay, when, in fact, it may have been time to let-go long ago. “I need to work it through”, we tell ourselves, or; “I may need it again someday”. We want to pass it on to our children or have something to show for the struggles we’ve endured, we say. Not that these arguments for staying are without merit. Sometimes it’s not right action to let go. We can suffer as much from the opposite tendency; of prematurely letting-go, as well as hang on too long. It’s a matter of balance… that of determining when it is time to hold on versus time to let go. And we must weigh our rationale for holding on against the cost of doing so. If hanging on is keeping me from saying good-bye to something that is long dead, then it may not be worth it, whether that be a relationship or extraneous paraphernalia.
In my youth, I had a six month encounter with a man who called himself a medicine man. I was young and gullible and he was magnetic and powerful. I was irresistibly attracted to his way of life so I became his “apprentice”. He taught a lot about the danger of attachment, not only to things but to our personal history; our identity, as well as to others, family included. His words made sense to me. I was living in a small apartment in Northern California at the time, and, under his tutelage, I went through a ritual of putting all of my personal belongings on the curb for any who might find and want them. I gave away all but the bare essentials for living. I then destroyed personal memorabilia, like my pictures and papers, anything that connected me to a past, including social security papers, my birth certificate, etc. I took on a new name given to me by him, and practiced the art of speaking only of the present, carefully refusing to speak of who or where I had been before. In other words, I took myself through a voluntary surrender of worldly attachments.
I began to travel, hitching a ride from town to town, totally dependent upon the “gifts of Spirit” that were offered along the way. And they were plentiful. Inevitably what I needed was provided, whether it was a meal, a place to sleep, to bathe or simply rest. The lessons I received were many, but specifically I learned the value of release. While it’s certainly not something I recommend doing today, I do not regret the opportunity it gave me to experience life without attachment. In the words of Janis Joplin; “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”. It is indeed so, for once you have known the liberty that surrender grants, clinging to anything loses it’s appeal.
Learning to relinquish with grace, when necessary, is important if we are to have fulfilled lives. We cannot fully experience this vital moment, if we are bogged down with the trappings from our past. Dying is an art we must practice if we are to live well. We learn to see it as liberating, as well as necessary. We must train our attitude to recognize death, not as the end, but always as the preparation for what’s to come. The Bhagwan Rajneesh said,
“You cannot live if you stop dying…. Life exists because of death … it is in fact a process of renewal. We think that life is good and death is bad. We think that life has to be desired and death is to be avoided. We think that somehow we have to protect ourselves against death. This absurd idea creates endless miseries in our lives, because a person who protects himself against death becomes incapable of living. He is the person who is afraid of exhaling, then he cannot inhale and he is stuck. The he simply drags, his life is no longer a flow, his life is no longer a river.” (“The Art of Dying”; pg 5; Bhagwan Rajneesh)
This sums it up. With awareness, such as this foremost in our hearts and minds, death can bring eager anticipation for the new, that which is yet unborn in us.
Whenever we feel stuck, complaining that we feel bogged down, unable to move forward, then it is time to ask; “What haven‘t I surrendered?” “What needs closure or relinquishment?” Practice building a relationship with death as advisor by imagining yourself in your final hours of life. Lying on your death bed, in your mind’s eye, allow yourself to reflect on your personal affairs and ask yourself questions, such as; “What are my regrets?” “What would I do differently?” “What important relationships are troubled or unresolved?” “What is my unfinished business?” “What can I do about this right now?” These questions can help us identify areas of our life that need immediate attention and clearing.
Through practices such as these, we learn to recognize the continual life process; that of dying to each past moment so as to be born again and again into the future. We started out with a quote about the Rabbi who had lived only so that he might know how to die. Perhaps it is equally as important that we each learn how to die in order to live. May it be so.
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Lynne Forrest is a non-traditional practitioner who has been in private practice for twenty six years, and the author of a new book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness. Find her on the web at www.lynneforrest.com or www.lynneforrest.com/blog. These articles are copyrighted material. All rights are reserved. No part of these articles may be reproduced by any means or in any form whatsoever without first obtaining the written permission of the author. Permission for reproduction may be requested by contacting Lynne at Another Way Center: (423) 698-0814.Read the original post here: http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2011/06/dying-to-live.
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