Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Why Won’t You Remember? by Toni Elizabeth Sar’h

I want to tell you a story.  It is a tale of a little girl whose father left earth when she was 5 years old.  That little girl is me.

One of the basics that my partner, Philip, and I have created within our relationship is putting everything on the table.  This allows us to see each other through the lens of what each of us truly is rather than what we might want the other person to believe we are to the relationship.  From the get-go, I told Philip that my father died when I was 5 years old, I didn’t get to say “good-bye”, my mother did not allow a mourning period for her children and that this experience lives within my 
cellular memory.

Part of the outcome of this childhood occurrence is my desire to make sure I say a real “good-bye” to the people I love when leaving them for a period of time or hanging up on the telephone.  So, Philip and I have devised a real “good-bye” moment each time he goes off on a job since I am working in home office.  It is not dramatic and we don’t make a big deal of it.  It is simply a moment of departing 
when we take the time to say “good-bye” to each other with a hug and a kiss.

Last week we had an experience within this aspect of our relationship.  Philip told me he was loading up the car to go to a job (land maintenance) and I said I was getting ready to do a reading.  At first glance, this would be the normal conversation we would have before we “leave” each other’s company.  He went outside and I went into my office to prepare to record a soul reading.

As I was looking out the window shifting vibrations for a reading, I saw his car drive out of the driveway.  At first I didn’t believe that was what I was seeing because he hadn’t said “good-bye”.  Then I slipped into the awareness of being 5 years old and I literally felt the rush of adrenaline flow through my body as panic overtook me.  I stood up and began to run out of the house to chase him down even though by now he was far down the street.

I experienced myself split into several parts:  1) I will call this one toni with a lower case “t” to differentiate her from my usual Toni-ness.  She is the 5 year old; 2) Toni is the observer who knows what is going on and is watching the experience, and 3) a multi-dimensional overlay of both and much more that was accessing a larger picture of the entire process.

The toni inner voice said, “No, no, he can’t leave.  He didn’t say good-bye.  Somebody stop him.”  She had tears in her eyes and felt very alone.  This was an actual physical experience felt within this body.
Toni thought, “It’s no good to go after him.  I won’t catch up with him even in the car because I don’t know exactly where the job is so I can’t follow him.  I am sure he thought I was already doing my reading otherwise he would have said “goodbye”.  He is very considerate and would not simply drive off.  Sit down and breathe.”

The overlay was experiencing breathing into the entire experience, simply letting it be, giving a bit of a chuckle and wondering, “Where is this going to go?  There are so many different outcomes available.  Shall I choose one?  No, I will simply let it all unfold and see how it goes moment to moment.”

I recorded the soul reading and was about to begin a second recorded reading when I saw Philip’s car drive into the driveway.  I went out to meet him and told him what I had experienced when he left without saying “good-bye”.

Philip told me that he had come into the house to do just that when he heard a voice coming from the office and believed I was already doing my reading so he left rather than disturb me.  I told him that what he had heard was my voicemail which I get as audio voicemail on my computer.  I was listening to a message from someone who had called me on the phone and who had left a message.

We talked about what I had experienced and how many different meanings it contained, what available outcomes there were to the situation and, giving each other a real big hug, had a great laugh over the multi-dimensionality of being in so many places at once.

Later in the week, I was relating the story to a group of people.  Each person had a different meaning for the story.  Some believed I was living in separation because I thought that Philip and I were separate when he left the driveway.  Another person felt great concern that I had not experienced the grief I was due from the death of my father.  Still another felt that perhaps we were making too much of a mountain out of a mole hill about aspects of our relationship.  And on it goes.

Now, here is how I see it:  Every experience we have in our physical body remains within the cellular structure of our body for the length of our lives.  Even if we decide to “process” something to feel clearer about it, the living of it is etched into our soul record and therefore in the present physical body.  It is the idea that we should not be having these experiences or that we need to process them away 
that is the detrimental factor to living and re-membering fully.  So long as you believe that you need to push something away, change it into something else, pretend that it is not there or castigate yourself in any way for the physical experiences you are having, to that degree will you not know what you are.  You are a complete culmination of all of your experiences (in this dimension and also within your complete soul record).  Deny one and you deny all.

At the same time, one of the multi-dimensional observations of which I am very aware was exemplified by what one of the people in that group did come back and tell me.  He said that after going home and thinking about what I had told them he realized how unavailable he was in his own relationship and changed that with his girlfriend – then and there.  

So:  Did I have the experience of watching Philip drive away so that I could tell the group my story and that one person could change his relationship?  How many other people were affected who have not yet come back to tell me?  How much closer are Philip and I now because of what we lived through together?  Is there someone reading this article right now who is going to change something in their 
life because of my telling the story?

I could go on and on yet I believe you get it.  You won’t re-member all you are, what you are and how to live that consciously until you fully welcome every single piece of you however your show up.  It is really very simply.  Want to remember what you are?  Then, re-member all of you right now.

Toni Elizabeth Sar’h Petrinovich is a Master Teacher, mystic and quantum physical researcher with a ministerial doctorate in metaphysics.  She is the author of The Call – Awakening the Angelic Human, and its accompanying CD, DNA Re-Awakening,  You – A Field Guide, Finding an End to SeekingDeLight of the Orbs and Speaking of Light. Toni teaches metaphysics and the sacred connection within through her Meta yoU classes, guided meditation CDs, DVD production and video presentations. www.youaresacred.com

Monday, April 9, 2012

"How to Become Your Own Loving Parent" -ACA, ACOA, ACODF.

At Adult Children Of Alcoholics meetings and in ACA books we learn that we need to become out own loving parents. The ACA Solution states:

"We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect." 


"You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting." 

But beyond these lofty goals there is not a lot of explanation of the mechanics of how this is supposed to happen. Just how does one become a loving, nurturing parent to themselves when they haven't experienced this in real life? One cannot give what they do not possess. Or, as Drs. Cloud and Townsend have said, it's a bit like expecting a car with an empty gas tank to fill itself up.

And what if your internal parent is judgmental and harsh? Or exacting, intolerant and perfectionistic? Then you may be just replicating the past and reinforcing your own dysfunction. It's not enough to just come out of denial and face the pain of the past. That only goes so far. That pain needs to be comforted, that hurt child needs to be loved. This is perhaps the most important part of the process.

Here is an insight into the exercise of discovering your inner child AND becoming your own NURTURING parent:

"First, one becomes conscious of his or her own inner child. Remaining unconscious is what empowers the dissociated inner child to take possession of the personality at times, to overpower the will of the adult. Next, we learn to take our inner child seriously, and to consciously communicate with that little girl or boy within: to listen to how he or she feels and what he or she needs from us here and now.
The often frustrated primal needs of that perennial inner child–for love, acceptance, protection, nurturance, understanding–remain the same today as when we were children. As pseudo-adults, we futilely attempt to force others into fulfilling these infantile needs for us. But this is doomed to failure. What we didn’t sufficiently receive in the past from our parents as children must be confronted in the present, painful though it may be.
We should not as adults now expect others to meet all of these unfulfilled childhood needs. They cannot. Authentic adulthood requires both accepting the painful past and the primary responsibility for taking care of that inner child’s needs, for being a “good enough” parent to him or her now–and in the future."- Psychology Today, Stephen Diamond, Ph.D., practicing psychotherapist.

I believe that becoming your own parent is a big step with a large learning curve for those that did not get it when they were young. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Go slow. In trying moments, ask your child what they need from you most. Is it a hug? An understanding tone and reassurance that it's going to be alright? Or simply to be recognized that they are present?

If you feel resistance to acting on the last four sentences above, ask yourself why. Is that your "judgmental" parent rearing it's ugly head, ready to scold you for having such foolish thoughts? Use this reaction not as a reason to further beat yourself up but simply to gauge how nurturing you are being to your own self right now.

Then ask your inner child how he or she feels and what they need from you here and now. Take a small step and be just a tad more nurturing to yourself than usual. And keep doing it consistently, especially during difficult situations when your inner kid needs you the most.

The more your inner child can trust you to be there for them, the more they will come out of the shadows to play and be free!

Original post here: http://adultchildrenaca.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-to-become-your-own-loving-parent.html